How can I stay calm when my child screams the moment I say no to sweets? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child screams the moment you say no to a request, it can pierce right through your patience. You may feel embarrassed, helpless, or even angry, especially if other people are watching. However, these kinds of reactions from children are not acts of rebellion; they are cries of a deep and real frustration. The challenge for a parent lies not in silencing the child, but in remaining calm enough to be able to guide them through their emotional storm. 

Understanding the Root of the Outburst 

When your child screams for sweets, their reaction is not usually about the sweets themselves. It is an expression of their disappointment and their unmet desire in that moment. Young children tend to live entirely in the present. They can struggle to delay their own gratification and are not yet able to fully understand the boundaries of their health or of a family’s routine. Your simple ‘no’ can feel like a profound form of personal rejection to them. Recognising this emotional limitation can help you to respond with a sense of empathy, rather than with one of irritation. 

Responding During the Outburst 

When your child begins to scream, it is important not to react immediately. You can take a slow, deep breath for yourself. A moment of silence in the first few seconds can give your child the space they need to release their initial emotion, while you are able to remain composed. It is then helpful to lower your own tone of voice, but not your boundary. A calm and soft voice will always communicate a greater sense of control than a raised volume ever could. You can acknowledge their feelings by saying something like, ‘You really wanted that sweet, did you not? It can be hard to hear the word no.’ You are teaching your child that their emotions are valid, but that screaming is not a tool that will achieve their desired results. 

The Importance of Reflection and Reconnection 

Once the moment has passed and your child has had a chance to calm down, you can use the opportunity for some gentle reflection with them: ‘You were feeling so upset because I said no, and it is okay to feel that way. However, shouting does not help us. Next time, you can try to tell me that you are feeling sad instead.’ This final step helps to repair the connection between you, to build their own self-awareness, and to reassure your child of your unconditional love for them. 

Spiritual Insight 

A sense of spiritual calmness in our parenting is not just a matter of emotional control; it can also be an act of worship. Each time you are able to choose a path of patience over one of irritation, you are in fact drawing closer to Allah Almighty. The act of parenting can become a spiritual training ground, a place where our love and our discipline can unite through our faith. 

Finding Inner Strength Through Patience in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 43: 

‘And for the person who is patient and forgiving, indeed, (these acts are derived from) higher moral determination.’ 

This verse highlights that our true strength as human beings is to be found in our self-restraint and in our ability to forgive, not in any form of retaliation. When you are able to remain patient with your child’s loud protests, you are practising a form of spiritual courage, the quiet and steadfast endurance that is praised by Allah. 

The Prophetic Example of Mercy Towards Children 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1919, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young and respect to our elders.’ 

This teaches us that our parenting must always be rooted in a sense of mercy, not in a desire for control. Even when our children are behaving in a difficult way, our response to them should come from a place of compassion, rather than from a place of frustration. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ never shouted at children, nor did he ever rebuke them in a harsh way. His beautiful example serves as a reminder to us all that a sense of discipline that is delivered through gentleness will always shape a child’s heart far better than a sense of discipline that is delivered through anger. 

When your child’s screams begin to rise, you can try to remember that their distress is not an act of defiance; it is an expression of an emotion that they are not yet able to manage on their own. Your own calmness in these moments can become the bridge between their chaos and their learning. It can show them that your love for them does not vanish when your rules are being enforced. 

Each time you are able to control your own anger, you are embodying the patience that is described in the noble Quran and the mercy that was shown by the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. This sense of spiritual composure can help to nurture both your child’s emotional balance and your own spiritual growth. 

Over time, your child will begin to mirror what they see in you, that a sense of calmness, of patience, and of love can coexist with the setting of firm and clear boundaries. In that moment, your parenting will have transcended the mere struggle for control; it will have become a sacred act of nurturing a beautiful character, in both your child and in yourself.