How can I parent calmly when I feel judged by strangers or other mums at school or the masjid? 

Parenting Perspective 

There are few things that are more unsettling than attempting to remain composed with your child while feeling as though people are silently judging you, the looks, the whispers, the constriction in your chest. However, you have to keep in mind that they are not your main audience at that time. It is your child. Children require an emotionally present parent, not a perfect one. When strangers judge, shift your focus inward: What does my child need from me right now? Not: What will they think? The performative parenting cycle is broken by this reinterpretation. Say something like, I choose connection over approval, as an internal reminder. Focus on your role rather than how other people respond. Once the moment is over, choose a secure area to deal with your own discomfort. Seek solace from someone who understands your heart, write it down, or talk it out. Nevertheless, put your child first when you are in the moment. Their haven is your stability. They will forget the setting, but they will remember how safe you made them feel. 

Spiritual Insight 

The gaze of others is fleeting. The gaze of Allah Almighty is eternal. Parenting in the public eye is not new, even the prophets were judged for how they guided their people. But Allah Almighty consistently affirms that what matters is not outward approval, but inward truth. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 11: 

“Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them….” 

This verse encourages humility in place of judgement and dismantles shallow comparison. It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2564, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

“Verily Allah Almighty does not look to your faces and your wealth, but He looks to your heart and to your deeds. “

Therefore, Allah Almighty sees a servant trying to maintain mercy under duress, while others may see a tantrum or a distressed parent. In His eyes, that silent Jihad of the heart is cherished. Let that be your grounding, not the approval of those who do not carry your test.