How can I maintain calm when expectations are different? 

Parenting Perspective 

Family life often includes moments where expectations clash, perhaps between parents and children, or even between extended family members. These differences can create frustration, and a child can feel caught between conflicting voices. The key is to remain calm, uphold your core values with consistency, and handle any disagreements respectfully, so your child feels secure rather than confused. 

Stay Clear on Your Boundaries 

Decide in advance which of your household rules are non-negotiable, such as those related to safety, prayer times, or respectful speech. When a situation arises, you can calmly uphold these core principles without getting drawn into a debate. A simple statement like, ‘In our family, bedtime is at 8 p.m., so we will be sticking to that,’ is very effective. This demonstrates consistency in your core values, even when others may have a different approach. 

Acknowledge Differences Without Conflict 

If another family member has a different expectation, you can explain this to your child gently. For example: ‘Different families do things in their own way, but in our house, this is how we do it.’ This teaches your child to be respectful of others’ practices while simultaneously reinforcing your own family’s boundaries. 

Address Disagreements Privately 

If a clear conflict arises with another adult over a rule, it is always best to discuss it with them later in private, not in front of the child. It is important for children to see a united and calm front from the adults around them, as this strengthens their trust in parental guidance and prevents them from feeling anxious. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that patience, respect, and wisdom are essential when handling differences of opinion. Unity within the family is strengthened not by shouting, but by calm leadership and a reliance on values that are rooted in fairness. 

The Priority of Harmony and Reconciliation 

The Quran reminds us that maintaining harmony and seeking reconciliation between believers is a priority, even when expectations and opinions differ. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 10: 

‘ Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.‘ 

Handling Differences with Empathy 

The prophetic tradition teaches that empathy and understanding are the keys to handling differences without allowing them to descend into conflict. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 66, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.’ 

By maintaining your composure when expectations differ, you are reflecting the Islamic values of patience and respect. Your child learns that even when others do things differently, their own family values provide a steady and reliable source of guidance that keeps the home peaceful and secure.