How can I involve children in creating calmer routines? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children are far more likely to follow routines when they feel a sense of ownership over them. If routines are simply imposed, they can feel restrictive and lead to resistance. By involving your children in the creation of these routines, you help them to understand the purpose behind them and give them a sense of choice within clear boundaries. The goal is not to hand over control, but to invite cooperation. 

Invite Their Input 

Ask simple, age-appropriate questions that give your child a role in shaping the routine. For example: ‘Should story time come before or after we brush our teeth?’ or for an older child, ‘Do you want to pack your school bag right after homework or after dinner?’ Offering small, manageable choices makes a child feel included and respected, without compromising the overall structure of the routine. 

Make the Routine Visual 

Create a routine chart or a checklist together as a family activity. You can let younger children draw pictures or add stickers for each completed step, while older children can help to write out the list. When they see their own contributions reflected in the final chart, they feel more invested in the process and are more motivated to follow through. 

Celebrate Cooperation 

When a routine goes smoothly because everyone worked together, take a moment to acknowledge it. A simple comment like, ‘We all worked as a team, and bedtime felt so calm tonight, well done everyone,’ makes children feel proud of their contribution. This positive reinforcement encourages them to repeat that cooperative behaviour in the future. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam encourages the principle of consultation (shura) and mutual respect, even within the family. When parents involve their children in making decisions, it teaches them about responsibility while still gently reminding them that the ultimate guidance rests with their elders. 

The Principle of Mutual Consultation 

The Quran praises the community of believers whose affairs are determined by mutual consultation. This principle can be beautifully applied within the family to foster harmony and teach responsibility. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verses 38: 

‘ And those people that respond to (the commandments of) their Sustainer, and establish prayer, and conduct their affairs between each other through consultation, and spend (generously) from the sustenance We have provided them.‘ 

The Ultimate Responsibility of the Shepherd 

The prophetic tradition reminds us that while children should be given a voice, parents remain ultimately accountable for ensuring that proper guidance and structure are in place to protect the family. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1705, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Every one of you is a shepherd, and every one of you will be asked about his flock’ 

By involving your children in shaping calmer routines, you are reflecting the Islamic balance of consultation and responsibility. Your child learns that their input is valued, but also that routines are an important part of family order, which helps to build respect, cooperation, and trust.