Parenting Perspective 

Guide, Do Not Dictate 

Helping children to resolve arguments fairly is an essential part of teaching them how to handle conflicts with respect and empathy. When siblings argue, it can be easy to jump in and settle the dispute for them, but this does not always teach them how to resolve conflicts on their own. A more effective approach is to guide them through the process of problem-solving. Start by calmly separating the children if necessary, giving them time to cool down and preventing the argument from escalating. Once things are more settled, bring them together and encourage them to express their feelings and perspectives. It is important to allow each child to speak without interruption, showing them that their feelings are valid and deserve to be heard. 

Brainstorm a Fair Solution 

Next, encourage your children to come up with a fair solution together. You can ask questions like, ‘What do you think would make things better for both of you?’ Help them to brainstorm solutions that both can agree on. This might involve taking turns with a toy, setting boundaries, or agreeing to ask for permission before using each other’s belongings. The goal is to help your children learn that fair solutions require compromise and respect for one another’s needs. Lastly, you can reinforce this behaviour by praising them when they resolve their conflicts calmly and respectfully, which teaches them that handling disputes fairly leads to positive outcomes and strengthens their relationship. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, resolving conflicts in a fair and just manner is highly emphasised. Allah Almighty encourages fairness in the noble Quran, stating in Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 58: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) commands you to execute all trusts to their rightful owners; and when you (are asked) to judge between people, that you should judge with justice….’ 

This verse teaches that justice is an essential principle in all our dealings, including resolving conflicts. Teaching your children to resolve their arguments fairly is not just about good manners; it is also about guiding them to align with the Islamic value of justice. 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also provided guidance on handling disputes in a fair and respectful manner. It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 3587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you are those who are the best to their families.’ 

This Hadith underscores the importance of creating a disciplined and respectful environment at home. By teaching your children to resolve their differences with fairness and kindness, you are helping them to embody this principle in their relationships, ultimately leading to stronger bonds and mutual respect.