How can I help my child put words to their feelings when they seem confused? 

Parenting Perspective 

Offer Gentle Suggestions 

Many children find it difficult to describe what they feel inside. When words do not come easily, their emotions are often expressed through tears, tantrums, or silence. Instead of viewing this as misbehaviour, see it as a sign that your child needs help to understand themselves. Sit with them calmly and offer simple, open suggestions like, ‘I wonder if you feel sad because of what happened at school?’ Instead of pushing them to talk, help them feel safe enough to try. Tools like feelings charts, picture books, or drawing faces can help young children show what they feel when words feel too big. A quiet bedtime chat or a walk can also make it easier for them to open up naturally. 

Model Emotional Honesty 

Children learn more from what we do than what we say. When you share your own feelings calmly, you show them that emotions can be named without shame. For example, you might say, ‘I feel tired and a bit cross today, so I will rest for a while.’ Small phrases like this help children see that all feelings are normal and can be spoken about with kindness. Avoid telling your child to ‘be brave’ or ‘stop crying’ when they struggle to express themselves. Instead, remind them that feelings are just messages that help us understand what is happening inside. The more they see you listening without judgement, the more they will trust you with their biggest thoughts and worries. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam honours every emotion as part of the Fitrah Allah Almighty placed in each soul. When you help your child find words for what they feel, you are guiding them to know themselves in a healthy, balanced way. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shams (91), Verses 7 to 8: 

‘And by the soul and how it is designed (for infusion into the body). Thus, We have designed (the soul with discretion) for wickedness and piety.‘

This Ayah reminds us that every soul has an inner compass but needs care and nurturing to grow strong. Parents have the special role of helping that process with patience and mercy. 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught us that real strength is not about holding feelings inside or overpowering others, but about learning self-control. It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2609a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘The strong man is not the one who can overpower others; the strong man is the one who controls himself when he is angry. ‘

When you help your child pause, talk, and reflect on their feelings, you teach them to grow that inner strength. You can also encourage them to make a short Dua when feelings feel heavy, trusting that Allah Almighty hears what we find hard to say. By guiding your child to speak from the heart, you strengthen your bond with them and help them build Sabr and Tawakkul that will benefit them throughout their life.