Parenting Perspective 

Redefine Fairness as Needs, Not Sameness 

For a child, ‘fairness’ often means ‘getting exactly the same as everyone else.’ Parents can gently reframe this by explaining that true fairness means everyone gets what they need, not that everyone gets the same thing. Using a simple example, such as, ‘Your younger brother needs more help with his shoes, but you get the responsibility of choosing the storybook,’ helps a child to see fairness as balance, not as a competition. 

Give Your Child a Voice 

A child can feel that a situation is unfair simply because they do not feel heard. Involving them in small decisions, such as how to share snacks, gives them a sense of agency. It is also important to acknowledge their feelings: ‘I understand it feels frustrating to wait, but I promise your turn is coming.’ This validation helps to reduce resentment and build trust. 

Highlight Moments of Fairness 

Parents should make a habit of pointing out fairness when it occurs: ‘Do you see? You chose the game we played today, and tomorrow it will be your sister’s turn.’ By making justice visible and consistent, a child learns to feel secure in the family’s system of fairness. Over time, this reduces the tendency to see every compromise as a personal loss. 

Spiritual Insight 

Justice and Good Conduct are Divine Commands 

The Quran teaches that justice and fairness are not just social ideals, but are values directly commanded by Allah. Applying these principles within the home is a fundamental part of living one’s faith. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 90: 

‘ Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty; and He (Allah Almighty) offers this enlightened direction so that you continue to realise (the true pathway of Islam).’ 

A Prophetic Command to be Just with Children 

The prophetic tradition makes it clear that treating one’s children with justice is a sacred duty. When a parent strives to be fair, they are not only nurturing their child but also obeying a command that is central to our deen. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’ 

Fairness as Dignity and Care 

By redefining fairness, giving children a voice, and consistently highlighting moments of balance, parents can help their child to feel secure. This teaches them over time that true fairness is not about always winning, but about ensuring everyone is treated with dignity and care, a principle that is deeply rooted in our Islamic values.