How can I explain rule fairness when everyone must follow them? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children often complain that rules are ‘unfair’, especially when they feel singled out. The best way to address this is to show that the rules are shared across the entire household and are rooted in fairness, not in a desire to control. When children see their parents and siblings following the same core principles, rules become an accepted part of family life rather than a source of personal grievance. 

Emphasise the Shared Purpose 

Calmly explain the reason behind a rule and how it benefits everyone. For example: ‘The rule about no phones at the dinner table applies to all of us, including me, because it helps our family to connect with each other.’ Linking a rule to the wellbeing of the whole family helps it to feel reasonable and fair, rather than one-sided. 

Model the Same Standard 

Children learn far more from what their parents do than from what they say. If your family has a rule about quiet hours after a certain time, then parents should also avoid making loud noises. When children consistently see the adults in their lives living by the same rules, the fairness of the system becomes obvious without needing long arguments. 

Address Different Rules With Clarity 

If the needs of different age groups require different rules, it is important to explain the reasoning clearly. For example: ‘Your younger sister has an earlier bedtime because her growing body needs more rest. When you were her age, you had the exact same rule.’ This reassures your child that the rules are adapted to specific needs, not based on favouritism. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places a strong emphasis on justice and fairness as core values for all believers. Just as spiritual accountability applies to everyone, parents and children alike are guided by the same universal principles of fairness and responsibility. 

The Divine Command for Justice 

The Quran makes it clear that justice is a divine command that must be applied in all situations and between all people, without exception. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verses 58: 

‘ Indeed, Allah (Almighty) commands you to execute all trusts to their rightful owners; and when you (are asked to) judge between people, that you should judge with justice; indeed, the enlightened direction to you from Allah (Almighty) is (a beneficial) endowment; indeed, Allah (Almighty) is All Hearing and All Seeing.‘ 

Fairness Through Universal Accountability 

The prophetic tradition teaches that upholding fairness means ensuring that accountability applies to everyone, so that no one is considered to be above the rules. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2444, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is oppressed.’ The people asked, ‘O Messenger of Allah, we understand helping the oppressed, but how do we help the oppressor?’ He said, ‘By stopping him from oppressing others.’ 

By explaining and modelling fairness, you are mirroring the Islamic values of justice and equality. Your child learns that rules are not about control but about shared responsibility, which protects the dignity and harmony of the entire family.