How can I encourage my child to forgive someone who hurt them? 

Parenting Perspective 

Forgiveness is a Choice 

Forgiveness can be a difficult concept for children, especially when they feel deeply hurt by a friend, sibling, or classmate. They may want to hold on to their anger or believe that forgiving means what happened was acceptable. Start by helping your child to understand that forgiveness does not mean forgetting or pretending the hurt did not happen; it means choosing not to carry heavy feelings in their heart. Use simple words: ‘When you forgive, you help your own heart to feel lighter.’ 

Listen First, Then Guide 

Talk about small, real moments. If your child feels cross with someone, listen fully to what happened before jumping to ‘Just forgive them.’ Say, ‘What happened hurt you. It is okay to feel upset. Shall we talk about what might help you feel ready to forgive?’ Practise gentle phrases they can use, like, ‘I forgive you, but please do not do that again.’ Role-play with toys or stories so they can see forgiveness in action. Share your own examples of times when you forgave someone and how it made you feel better. Praise any effort they make to let go, even if it takes a while. Over time, these small reminders help your child to see that forgiveness is not for the other person alone; it is a gift to their own heart too. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great value on forgiveness as one of the noblest acts of the heart. Allah Almighty praises those who forgive, even when they have every right to hold on to their hurt. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: 

‘Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent. ‘

Teach your child that every time they choose to forgive, they step closer to Allah Almighty’s love and mercy. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2318a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘He who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy. ‘

This Hadith reminds us that letting go of grudges is part of building a soft, merciful heart. You can encourage your child to make a small Dua when forgiveness feels hard: ‘Ya Allah, help me forgive and clean my heart.’ By linking forgiveness to their faith, your child learns that they are not weak for letting go; they are strong and hopeful, trusting that every gentle choice they make pleases Allah Almighty and brings peace to their own heart.