How can families avoid the ‘do as I say, not as I do’ trap with technology habits? 

Parenting Perspective 

Lead by Example, Not Just by Rules 

Children have a keen sense for hypocrisy. If a parent demands limited screen time while endlessly scrolling themselves, the rules quickly lose all meaning. The best way to avoid this trap is to align guidance with personal action. Parents must visibly practise the same boundaries they expect from their children, such as having no phones at the dinner table or giving their full attention during conversations. This consistency shows that the entire family is working towards balance together, free from double standards. 

Admit Your Struggles Openly 

It is unrealistic to expect perfection from anyone in the family, including parents. Admitting, ‘I also find this difficult sometimes, but I am trying to improve,’ is a powerful way to model honesty and humility. This simple act transforms the issue from a point of conflict into a shared family challenge, which helps children accept the rules without feeling resentful. 

Create Shared Family Agreements 

Rather than imposing rules only on children, it is far more effective to create shared family agreements. This could include tech-free meals, device-free prayer times, or a collective screen break before bed. When everyone follows the same guidelines, children learn that discipline is rooted in fairness, mutual respect, and wellbeing, not parental control. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Weight of Our Words 

In Islam, integrity is paramount. Our words and guidance only have credibility when they are matched by our own sincere actions. Children are most likely to respect rules that they see being lived, not just spoken. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Saff (61), Verses 2-3: 

‘O you who are believers, why do you say (to others that) which you do not do (yourself)? It is highly detested by Allah (Almighty) that you say (to others) that which you do not do (yourself).’ 

The Responsibility of a Shepherd 

Parents are entrusted with the leadership of their families, a role that demands fairness and sincerity. This prophetic teaching reminds us that we are all accountable for those in our care and must therefore live by the standards we set. 

It is recorded in Mishkaat Al Masaabih, 3685, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ruler is a shepherd over the people, a man is a shepherd over the members of his household, and a woman is a shepherd over her husband’s house and children. So each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.’ 

Building a Culture of Trust 

By practising what they preach, admitting their own struggles, and creating collective rules, families can successfully avoid the ‘do as I say, not as I do’ trap. This approach builds a culture of trust and respect, where discipline is founded on sincerity and sustained by seeking the mercy of Allah Almighty.