What can I do when others make growth a competition? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children frequently encounter social situations where their growth is subject to comparison and treated like a contest. Relatives may openly observe who is the tallest, classmates may make light-hearted but hurtful jokes about who is stronger, and occasionally, even teachers inadvertently reinforce competition by praising those who develop at a faster pace. For a child still in the process of shaping their identity, these constant comparisons can feel profoundly heavy. Those who grow rapidly may adopt a false sense of superiority, while those who progress more slowly may begin to feel unfairly left behind or inadequate. 

Parents play a central and vital role in breaking this unhealthy cycle before it permanently shapes their child’s view of themselves. The primary aim is not to shield children from every external comment, but rather to equip them with the emotional and spiritual tools necessary to respond calmly, without succumbing to either debilitating pride or corrosive shame. 

Acknowledging Feelings 

When a child returns home either upset or overly excited because someone commented on their growth, the response must begin by acknowledging the feeling. 

Say: “It sounds like you felt proud when they said you are taller,” or “It hurt you when they laughed at your height.” 

This simple step validates their internal experience and immediately demonstrates that you respect their emotions. Children who feel truly heard are always more open to receiving parental guidance. 

Shifting the Focus from Size to Value 

The next critical step involves helping your child separate their physical changes from their inherent self-worth. 

Gently but firmly remind them: “Your height or strength does not determine your value. Allah Almighty controls how each of us grows, but what He truly looks at is our heart and our actions.” 

By repeating this profound truth, you systematically begin to replace the toxic idea of competition with the idea of unique, divinely ordained journeys. 

Emphasising Different Kinds of Growth 

It is important to highlight for your child that there are, in fact, many types of growth. 

Some children may grow taller first, while others grow quicker in patience or kindness, and still others in creativity. 

By demonstrating that growth has multiple valuable dimensions, children learn that life is not one single race with only one winner. Everyone possesses their own unique gifts that deserve respect. 

Small Actions that Protect the Heart 

Redirect Comparisons: When relatives remark, “He is taller than his cousin now,” respond gently by saying, “Yes, and both of them are learning new things in their own way.” This effectively teaches your child that you do not measure worth by physical comparison. 

Keep Milestones Private: Instead of announcing physical growth milestones in large gatherings, celebrate them quietly as a family at home. This practice builds gratitude instead of fuelling rivalry. 

Give Them Words: Teach your child simple, empowering responses such as, “We all grow at our own time,” or “Allah made us different.” This equips them to answer confidently without conflict. 

Teaching Empathy for Others 

If your child happens to be among the faster developers, guide them to actively use their position for kindness and inclusion. 

Say to them: “Think about how your friend might feel when everyone talks about size. You have the opportunity to make them feel better instead of joining in with the comparison.” 

This wise guidance turns potential pride into a demonstration of empathy and responsibility. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran in Surah Al Hujurat (49), Verse 11: 

‘O you who have believed, let not a people ridicule [another] people; perhaps they may be better than them. Nor let women ridicule [other] women; perhaps they may be better than them. And do not insult one another and do not call each other by offensive nicknames. Wretched is the name of disobedience after faith. And whoever does not repent – then it is they who are the wrongdoers…’ 

This verse carries a deep reminder for both parents and children. It clearly instructs us that mocking, ridiculing, or comparing others is not only hurtful but is strictly forbidden. The reason is straightforward: what appears to be an advantage in the world may hold no spiritual weight in the sight of Allah Almighty. True worth is hidden in qualities that we cannot physically measure, such as faith, kindness, and sincerity. This teaching helps children understand that growth is never a competition, because only Allah knows the unseen value of each person. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 59, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The one who has in his heart an atom’s weight of arrogance will not enter Paradise’ 

This Hadith explains clearly that arrogance (kibr), even in minute amounts, is spiritually dangerous. Liking growth or enjoying new changes is natural and permissible, but allowing it to become a means to look down on others immediately turns into arrogance, which Allah Almighty dislikes intensely. Parents can use this to explain: “It is good to be thankful for your growth, but you must never use it to think you are better than anyone else.” 

When children are raised with this careful balance of validation, guidance, and faith, they learn to see their growth as a deeply personal blessing, not as a public contest. They begin to understand that bodies grow by Allah’s command, but that hearts grow through deliberate choices. 

Ultimately, your child will possess a strong and steady truth: physical growth is a gift, not a prize. Their real worth lies not in being ahead or behind others, but in remaining sincere before Allah Almighty and gentle with the people around them.