How can I respond to ‘she has lash extensions, why can I not?’ 

Parenting Perspective 

Teens frequently compare themselves to peers who display beauty enhancements such as lash extensions, triggering complex feelings of envy, inadequacy, or intense social pressure. The emotional core is frustration mixed with a strong desire to belong, while parents may feel concern about safety, the expense, and alignment with their family’s faith. Guiding teens through this requires a strategic blend of empathy, providing broader perspective, and offering practical scripts that reinforce their inherent self-worth and the value of conscious choice. 

Validate Their Feelings Without Endorsing the Desire 

Begin by genuinely recognising and acknowledging their emotions. One might say: ‘I completely understand that you feel frustrated and even a bit jealous when you see others with certain enhancements; it shows you care about your appearance and social standing.’ Validation reassures teens that their feelings are a normal response to peer pressure without, crucially, endorsing the desire for the enhancement itself. This opens the door to a rational discussion. 

Offer Critical Perspective on Personal Choices 

Explain that not all choices made by others are safe, ethical, suitable, or sustainable for everyone. A helpful parent script is: ‘Everyone’s circumstances, values, and choices are different. What works for one person is often not the best, safest, or most appropriate choice for you and our family. We have to make decisions based on our own values, not on what others are doing.’ This introduces a lens of critical thinking and encourages personal responsibility over herd mentality. 

Suggest Safe and Value-Aligned Alternatives 

Provide practical options that genuinely satisfy their desire to enhance their natural beauty without compromising health or faith compliance. A proactive parent script is: ‘We can instead focus on safe, effective grooming methods—perhaps learning a technique for curling lashes or investing in a high-quality, Halal-certified mascara that truly enhances your natural look.’ Small, practical alternatives successfully satisfy their desire for creative self-expression while maintaining the necessary standards of safety and spiritual values. 

Reinforce Intrinsic Self-Worth 

Consciously encourage deep reflection on their intrinsic qualities that exist far beyond mere outward appearance. A strong parent script is: ‘Your kindness, your inner confidence, your efforts in school, and your thoughtful actions matter far more than any temporary beauty trend. People notice and value your character much more than they notice your lashes.’ This helps teens internalise the truth that genuine self-esteem is rooted in their behaviour, values, and inner confidence, not in external comparison or temporary aesthetic additions. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam actively encourages moderation, self-respect, and a deep sense of care for the body as a trust (amanah) from Allah Almighty. Teaching teens to navigate peer comparisons around beauty helps them balance personal expression with faith, safety, and a strong ethical consciousness. 

Moderation in Adornment and Avoiding Excess 

The noble Quran highlights the spiritual virtue of moderation in personal appearance, reminding teens that enhancements should not lead to extravagance, waste, or compromise of faith principles, particularly concerning water permeability for wudu (ablution). 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Araf (7), Verse 31: 

‘O children of Adam, take your adornment at every masjid and eat and drink, but be not excessive…’ 

This verse sets the bar for moderation, instructing believers to be well-groomed and presentable, particularly for acts of worship like prayer (which is performed at every masjid), but immediately cautions against excessiveness (israf). This teaching provides a perfect balance between respecting one’s appearance and avoiding the sin of extravagance. Parents can explain that mindful grooming that remains within ethical bounds, does not interfere with religious obligations (such as ensuring water reaches the skin and nails for wudu), and does not lead to unwarranted debt or vanity, honours both the body as a trust and their spiritual accountability before God. The goal is to be presentable without being consumed by materialism or superficiality. 

The Virtue of Balance and Non-Imitation 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also strongly promoted moderation and integrity in appearance, cautioning against the excessive imitation of those focused on mere worldly adornment. 

It is recorded in Mishkaat Al Masabeeh, Hadith 4430, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘God has cursed the woman who adds some false hair and the woman who asks for it, the woman who tattoos and the woman who asks for it.’ 

This Hadith conveys a severe prohibition against practices like adding false hair (extensions) and permanent tattooing, viewing them as forms of deception or alteration of Allah’s creation, thus incurring a curse. Parents must connect this guidance directly to modern trends like hair extensions: moderation, focusing on safe, halal alternatives, and making intentional choices reflect ethical awareness, respect for resources, and faith-aligned self-care. A powerful parent script is: ‘By choosing natural and safe ways to enhance your look, you honour your body as a gift and follow Allah Almighty’s guidance, which is the best form of beauty and integrity.’ Through empathy, practical strategies, and spiritual framing, teenagers internalise that true confidence is built on moderation, self-respect, and conscious values, rather than on external comparison or trends that contradict the core teachings of Islam concerning the body’s integrity and the avoidance of deception. This fosters an authentic, spiritually grounded sense of self-worth.