How can I handle resentment when one child gets extra lessons for exams? 

Parenting Perspective 

When one child receives extra tuition or academic help, the others may naturally feel overlooked or undervalued. What seems to the parent like a practical, necessary decision can easily appear, through a child’s eyes, as favouritism. The goal is not only to clearly explain the necessity of the extra lessons but also to preserve emotional balance within the home, ensuring that all children feel equally seen and valued, even when support looks different. 

Acknowledge the Feeling Before Explaining the Reason 

Start by naming what your other child might be feeling: ‘I can see you feel a little left out because your brother has extra lessons right now.’ Avoid immediate justification or dismissive phrases like, ‘You’ll get your turn,’ which can invalidate their current emotion. Validation builds emotional safety, and children who feel emotionally safe can handle temporary unfairness better. 

Then, explain the situation calmly: ‘Your brother has big exams soon, so he needs extra, focused help right now to succeed. When you have exams or a big project, we will support you too in exactly the way you need it.’ This reassures your child that the attention is situational, not a preferential decision. Children need to see fairness unfold over time, not only in the immediate moment. 

Keep Support Visible for All Children 

Make small, intentional gestures that show every child remains equally important. Spend one-on-one time with the sibling who is not receiving tuition, even for ten minutes a day like listening to their stories, helping with a hobby, or involving them in a small, shared task. You might say, ‘While your brother studies, how about you and I spend some time working on your art project?’ 

Such visible balance actively softens resentment by proving that love is shared, even when parental time is temporarily divided. Avoid the trap of over-apologising or overindulging with expensive treats, as this confuses fairness with negotiation or guilt. Instead, keep explanations short, consistent, and warm. 

Include All Children in the Broader Family Goal 

Reframe exam season as a family effort. Say, ‘We are all helping your brother do his very best. When one of us succeeds, the whole family benefits and is happy.’ Give everyone a small, manageable role, perhaps keeping noise down, writing an encouraging note, or preparing a small snack for the studying sibling. Shared participation replaces comparison with cooperation. 

When the exams finally end, make sure to acknowledge everyone’s contribution. For example, ‘You both helped this week by giving your brother space for quiet. That made a big difference in his ability to concentrate.’ This deliberate recognition builds a crucial sense of family unity and collective success, showing that contribution is just as valuable as the tuition itself. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam recognises that different people, even within one family, have different needs at different times. Fairness lies in serving each need sincerely, not treating everyone identically. Parents are guardians of this trust, acting as mirrors of divine justice within their homes. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujurat (49), Verse 10: 

‘The believers are but brothers, so make settlement between your brothers. And fear Allah that you may receive mercy…’ 

This verse invites families to resolve feelings of division through empathy and mercy. Parents can remind children, ‘In our family, we help one another like brothers and sisters in faith—your turn to be supported will also come, and meanwhile, you can earn reward by being patient and kind.’ 

The Prophet ﷺ taught that easing another’s burden is highly rewarding. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1930, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever relieves a believer’s distress of the distressful aspects of this world, Allah will rescue him from a difficulty of the difficulties of the Hereafter.’ 

This Hadith shows that helping a sibling during their exam stress is not a loss but a profound act of worship. Say, ‘When you help your brother now, Allah Almighty will help you when you need it most in life.’ When children view their small sacrifice as spiritually rewarded, resentment transforms into pride and patience. They see themselves as participants in goodness rather than victims of neglect.