What do I say when a child resents giving while a sibling refuses? 

Parenting Perspective 

When one child resents giving while another refuses, it can create tension between them. Children often struggle with the idea of giving, especially if they do not fully understand the importance of generosity. The child who gives may feel their sacrifice is unappreciated, while the one who refuses may be focused on their own desires. As a parent, it is essential to help both children understand the value of generosity while addressing their individual feelings. 

Acknowledge Each Child’s Feelings 

Start by acknowledging the emotions of both children. ‘I understand that you feel upset about giving, and I also understand that you do not want to give right now. Both feelings are normal, but it is important to think about why we give to others’. This shows empathy and opens the door for a conversation about the meaning of giving, ensuring neither child feels invalidated. 

Explain the Concept of Giving as an Act of Love and Gratitude 

Explain that giving is about helping others and showing kindness. ‘Giving is a way to show love and appreciation for what we have. When we give, we do not just help others; we also help ourselves by strengthening our hearts’. By focusing on the emotional and spiritual benefits of giving, children are more likely to view it as a positive act. 

Encourage Voluntary Giving, Not Force 

Rather than making giving feel like an obligation, encourage it voluntarily. ‘I understand that you may not want to give right now, and that is okay. Let us think about how we can help someone else when you feel ready. Giving should not be forced; it is a way to show care for others’. This gives the child space to give when they feel it is right, rather than making it feel like a punishment. 

Reinforce the Idea of Sharing as a Family Value 

Teach them that sharing is a key value in the household. ‘In this family, we support each other, and part of that is being kind and generous when we can. You do not always have to give, but being open to sharing helps make our family stronger’. This encourages children to see giving as part of the family culture. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, generosity and compassion are central values. Giving, whether as charity (Sadaqah) or simply sharing, is an act of worship and a means of purifying the soul. Islam teaches that wealth is a trust from Allah Almighty, and sharing it is part of our responsibility. The value of giving is not only to help others but to soften our hearts, encourage gratitude, and build a more compassionate community. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 261: 

‘The example of those who spend their wealth in the way of Allah is like that of a seed of grain that grows seven ears, each bearing one hundred grains.’ 

This verse shows that even small acts of generosity are magnified and rewarded by Allah Almighty. When children learn to give, they are not just helping others; they are also earning immense rewards. Explaining this helps children understand that giving is a source of great blessing. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3671, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Be kind to your children, and perfect their manners.’ 

This hadith teaches that fostering generosity in children is an important part of perfecting their character. By guiding your children to understand the true spirit of giving, you help them grow in compassion and empathy. Through this act, children not only benefit others but also cleanse their own hearts and earn the pleasure of Allah. 

By addressing both children’s feelings with patience and linking the act of giving to Islamic principles, you help them embrace generosity as a natural and rewarding part of their lives.