What should I say when they feel life is unfair because of their diet? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child expresses the thought, ‘It is not fair,’ they are articulating a deep sense of loss and difference, not genuine rebellion. Your initial, most crucial response must be validation. Instead of rushing to correct them, acknowledge the feeling first: ‘It really does feel unfair sometimes, does it not? I understand why you feel that way.’ This empathy opens their heart to hear the deeper perspective that follows. 

Introducing a Perspective on Tests 

Slowly introduce the perspective that everyone carries different tests, some visible and some hidden. Use gentle, real-life analogies to illustrate this point. You could mention a friend who cannot participate in certain activities due to a physical limitation, or a cousin who must take medication daily. This helps them to see fairness not as ‘everyone having the same life,’ but as ‘everyone being given what they can handle by the Creator’s wisdom.’ It shifts the focus from victimhood to resilience. 

Restoring Agency and Dignity 

Practically, you must continuously focus on restoring their agency. Give them small, meaningful choices within their limits daily: ‘Would you like the safe rice or the safe bread today?’ or ‘Should we try baking a safe version of that delicious-looking snack together?’ The act of choice restores dignity and reminds them that they are still in control of their actions and efforts, even if they cannot control their circumstances. Over time, remind them that feeling different does not mean being lesser. Fairness in life is not about immediate sameness; it is about profound wisdom. When you connect this lesson to Allah Almighty’s comprehensive plan, it plants deep resilience. They begin to internalise that their unique journey is a spiritual trust, not a burden. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Islamic worldview transforms the concept of perceived ‘unfairness’ into a profound spiritual opportunity, confirming that difficulty, when faced with patience, is a route to closeness with the Divine. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ankabut (29), Verse 69: 

‘And those who strive for Us – We will surely guide them to Our ways. Indeed, Allah is with the doers of good…’ 

This ayah teaches that every form of striving for Allah’s sake—even the small, daily act of refusing a favourite snack because it is harmful—becomes a commendable spiritual struggle (jihadun-nafs). You can gently tell your child that each time they stay patient and disciplined regarding their food, Allah Almighty sees it as immense courage and rewards them with closeness to Him. What feels like life’s ‘unfairness’ is often, in reality, a hidden door to divine elevation and spiritual growth. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen,Hadith 37, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The believer is not afflicted with fatigue, illness, worry, grief, harm, or even a thorn that pricks him, but Allah will expiate his sins because of that.’ 

This beautiful Hadith brings enormous comfort and purpose to your child’s heart. You may convey its message by saying, ‘Every time you miss a food you love and stay patient, Allah washes away your sins and writes immense reward for you. Your body’s needs are a special way for you to earn Jannah (Paradise).’ Through your tone of calm conviction and loving reassurance, your child learns that fairness is not about ease, but about faith. What feels restrictive today may be shaping a heart capable of immense patience and gratitude tomorrow.