What can I do when my child shares only to gain praise? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child shares primarily to receive praise, it is important to recognise this as a natural, but intermediate, step in their moral development. They are learning that generosity is a valued behaviour, but they are associating its worth with external validation. This is not a flaw in their character but a vital opportunity for a parent to gently guide them from a performance-based mindset to a principle-based one. Your task is to help them transition from seeking the approval of people to understanding the profound and lasting joy of seeking the pleasure of Allah Almighty. 

Affirm the Action, Gently Redirect the Intention 

When your child shares and immediately looks to you for approval, it is essential to first affirm the good deed itself. You can say something like, ‘That was a very kind and generous thing to do.’ This acknowledges their effort and reinforces the positive behaviour. However, instead of offering effusive praise that centres on them, immediately shift the focus toward the internal and relational benefits of the act. Ask a gentle, reflective question like, ‘How did it feel in your heart to make your friend so happy?’ This encourages them to notice the intrinsic satisfaction that comes from kindness, independent of any applause or external reward. 

Adjust the Language of Encouragement 

The words we use have a powerful impact on a child’s motivation. Over time, consciously shift the language of your encouragement. Instead of using phrases that are centred on your own approval, such as ‘I am so proud of you,’ try reorienting their focus towards Allah Almighty. You might say, ‘Allah must be so pleased with your kind heart right now,’ or ‘That was a beautiful act of sharing; what a wonderful way to thank Allah for what He has given us.’ This subtle but consistent change in language naturally helps to reorient their internal compass from seeking people’s praise to valuing Allah’s pleasure above all else. 

Spiritual Insight 

The concept of acting purely for the sake of Allah Almighty, known as ikhlas (sincerity), is the cornerstone of all worship in Islam. It is the quality that gives weight and value to our deeds. Guiding a child towards this principle is one of the greatest spiritual gifts a parent can offer. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Insan (76), Verses 8-9: 

‘And they give food in spite of love for it to the needy, the orphan, and the captive, [saying], “We feed you only for the sake of Allah. We desire from you neither reward nor thanks…”’ 

This pivotal verse provides a perfect illustration of sincere giving. The righteous are described not only by their act of giving from what they love, but crucially, by their internal state and expressed intention. They explicitly state that they seek neither reward nor even thanks from those they help. Their sole motivation is the pleasure and countenance of Allah Almighty. This teaches your child that true worth is measured by the giver’s heart, not the recipient’s applause. 

The prophetic teachings profoundly underscore the importance of concealing good deeds to preserve sincerity. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 658, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘There are seven whom Allah will shade in His Shade on the Day when there is no shade except His Shade:… a man who gives in charity and conceals it such that his left hand does not know what his right hand has given.’ 

This teaching provides a powerful, image-based ideal for your child. You can simplify this profound lesson for your child in a gentle and positive way: ‘The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught us that the most treasured good deeds are those we do so quietly that it is like our own left hand does not know what the right hand has given. When we do good in secret, just for Allah, the reward is kept safe for us and becomes a precious, everlasting treasure that human praise cannot touch or diminish.’ This reorients their focus from the fleeting nature of praise to the permanence of divine reward.