Parenting Perspective 

Children possess an acute sensitivity to comparison and can easily feel diminished or excluded when a sibling receives affirmation. Beneath their sometimes negative reaction lies a genuine fear of inferiority or exclusion, rather than true resentment at the praise itself. The goal is to ensure that recognition consistently strengthens both their relationships and their self esteem, preventing praise from unintentionally sparking rivalry. This requires celebrating genuine individuality and dedicated effort without ever implying that other children are lacking or less valuable. 

Emphasise Effort, Not Ranking 

When offering affirmation to one child, it is vital to focus exclusively on their specific actions or demonstrable effort, rather than making any comparison to their siblings’ achievements. 

1. Specific Focus: Instead of making a comparative statement like, ‘You did better than your brother on this task’, use precise, action oriented language: ‘I noticed how carefully you concentrated on your drawing today.’ 

2. Highlight Individuality: This effective approach spotlights the unique contribution of the child being praised, while ensuring that siblings’ accomplishments and efforts remain unjudged. 

3. Micro-action: After noticing one child’s effort, share one positive detail privately with them, meticulously avoiding a public statement that invites immediate comparison or rivalry. 

Give Attention to Everyone’s Strengths 

Children observe fairness with great intensity. Take intentional, consistent time to genuinely acknowledge the unique strengths of each child, even if only briefly. 

1. Rotate Qualities: For example, after praising one child for their impressive persistence in completing their homework, you could spontaneously mention to another, ‘I truly love how you asked questions to understand the topic better today.’ 

2. Reinforce Value: This ensures that every child regularly experiences sincere recognition for their own specific, positive qualities, reinforcing the core principle that affirmation is about individual effort, not about relative superiority or ranking. 

Rotate Moments of Focus 

Create natural, sincere opportunities for each child to be the focus of attention, but you must avoid making this process a rigid, predictable turn based system that ultimately feels transactional or forced. 

1. Tailored Praise: Ensure that affirmation is spontaneous and genuinely tailored: praising one child for their innate creativity, another for an act of kindness, and a third for focused concentration on a difficult task. 

2. Value of All Contributions: The fundamental key is that the praise highlights the specific, positive behaviour, rather than serving as a comparison between the children, helping them all understand that all unique contributions are inherently valuable. 

Encourage Mutual Celebration 

Actively invite and encourage children to consistently notice and genuinely appreciate each other’s efforts and achievements. 

1. Simple Scripts: Use gentle scripts such as, ‘I liked how your brother worked diligently on that challenging puzzle’, or ‘Did you see how your sister patiently finished her task, even when it was frustrating?’ 

2. Foster Empathy: This effective practice reduces the impulse towards direct competition and strongly encourages empathy, actively fostering a positive household culture where genuine praise ultimately uplifts rather than divides. 

Spiritual Insight 

The teachings of Islam affirm that every single individual is profoundly valued for their unique efforts and intentions. Recognition should always nurture sincere humility, spiritual growth, and mutual respect, rather than encouraging envy or unnecessary competition. Children can internalise the spiritual truth that Allah Almighty sees every single effort, no matter how small or hidden, and rewards it according to His perfect wisdom and justice. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran in Surah Al Ankaboot (29), Verse 69: 

‘And those people that endeavour (to please) Us (Allah Almighty); so, We (Allah Almighty) shall indeed, guide them (to those pathways) that lead to Us; and indeed, Allah (Almighty) is with those who are benevolent (in their actions).’ 

This powerful verse serves as a crucial reminder to children that every person’s sincere effort is clearly visible to Allah Almighty and holds intrinsic, inherent worth, entirely independent of any comparison with the efforts of others. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 13, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘None of you will have faith until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.’ 

By intentionally framing recognition as a positive celebration of genuine effort rather than a competition, children successfully learn to value their own dedicated work and sincerely celebrate the positive efforts of others, actively cultivating both humility and generosity of spirit. 

With these careful habits, parents can ensure that praise consistently strengthens self esteem, reinforces genuine individual effort, and nurtures a deep sense of fairness and empathy. Children reliably come to understand that recognition is centred around sincere effort and good intention, not a ranking against others, allowing their individual confidence to grow harmoniously alongside compassion and deep mutual respect.