Parenting Perspective 

Modesty is a Reflection of Character 

Talking to your child about real modesty versus unrealistic beauty involves teaching them the importance of self-respect, inner beauty, and how modesty is not just about one’s appearance. You can start by explaining that modesty in Islam is about more than how we dress; it is about how we carry ourselves, how we treat others, and how we respect our own dignity. You might say, ‘Modesty means acting in a way that reflects our respect for ourselves and for others. It is not about looking perfect, but about being kind, humble, and modest in our actions and our appearance.’ 

Contrast with Unrealistic Beauty Standards 

Help your child to understand that society’s definition of beauty is often based on superficial, unattainable standards that do not reflect what truly matters in life. ‘What we see in magazines or online often does not show the real picture. People can be beautiful on the outside, but what makes someone truly beautiful is their heart, their kindness, and their respect for others.’ You should reinforce that in Islam, real beauty comes from within, through a person’s actions, their sincerity, and their faith. 

Modesty is a Source of Strength 

Encourage your child to embrace modesty in both their appearance and their behaviour, showing them that it is not about hiding one’s beauty but about expressing it in a way that is respectful and dignified. ‘When we dress modestly and behave kindly, we are showing the world the beauty of our character. That is what makes us truly beautiful in the eyes of Allah.’ Finally, it is important to praise your child for embracing modesty, whether it is through their actions, their speech, or their appearance. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, modesty is not just about covering the body but is a reflection of inner virtue, humility, and respect. Allah Almighty says in the noble Quran at Surah Al Noor (24), Verse 31: 

‘And say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) to the women who are believers; to lower their gaze (upon forbidden things); and protect their private parts (with chastity); and not to display their beauty except that which is apparent (for functionality e.g. eyes, hands); and let them place their head veils over their upper bodies…’ 

This verse emphasises that modesty goes beyond one’s physical appearance and is about maintaining dignity and integrity in all aspects of life. 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also exemplified the importance of modesty in his behaviour and appearance. It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 3587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘The best of you are those who are the best to their families.’ 

This Hadith highlights that modesty in Islam is also about treating others with respect, humility, and kindness. By teaching your child the difference between real modesty and unrealistic beauty standards, you are helping them to align with these Islamic principles of self-respect, humility, and inner beauty.