What helps when a younger child copies everything the older one does? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a younger child mirrors an older sibling, it usually stems from affection and admiration, not mischief. The older sibling is their most accessible role model, embodying confidence, capability, and a sense of belonging. This imitation is a natural developmental phase, allowing the younger child to experiment with their own identity. Reacting with frustration can send the unintended message that it is wrong to want to be like their sibling. Instead, understanding the motive behind the imitation helps create a calmer household. 

Nurturing Individuality 

It is important to acknowledge the admiration while gently encouraging uniqueness. You can say, ‘It is lovely that you look up to your brother so much. Let us also find something that is just for you.’ At the same time, reassure the older sibling that their position as a role model is valuable: ‘Your sister copies you because she thinks you are great, which means you have a big influence.’ This reframing helps both children feel respected, one for their uniqueness and the other for their growing leadership. 

Establishing Kind Boundaries 

A practical structure helps to reduce rivalry. Assign distinct ‘ownership zones’ or responsibilities for each child. The older sibling might have age-related privileges, such as handling fragile items or having a slightly later bedtime. The younger one can be given equally valued roles, like choosing the bedtime story or leading short du‘as after Salah. These boundaries protect individuality while keeping admiration safe and positive. 

Strengthening Individual Bonds 

Intense imitation can sometimes signal a deeper craving for parental connection, as the younger child may feel that copying is the only way to be noticed. Make time for small, predictable one-on-one moments with each child. This could be five minutes of conversation, helping with cooking, or a short walk together. When your attention is not solely linked to their imitative behaviour, the younger child will feel more secure, and their need to replicate their sibling will naturally decrease. 

Teaching Mutual Respect 

Constant copying can be annoying for an older sibling, so it is important to teach them how to set boundaries respectfully. Let them know it is acceptable to ask for space by saying, ‘I would like to do this part by myself.’ Praise the older child whenever they handle the imitation with patience. Similarly, guide the younger one to express admiration with words instead of actions: ‘You can tell your brother you liked how he built that tower, and then you can make your own version.’ Over time, imitation can evolve from a source of rivalry into a source of inspiration. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam beautifully recognises that each person is created with a unique fitrah (innate nature). Parents can use these moments of sibling imitation to nurture gratitude for individuality. Teach both children that Allah Almighty has designed them differently for a reason. One may be gentle and observant, while another is bold and inventive. Each has value before Allah Almighty, not in comparison to the other. 

Recognising Each Child’s Unique Path 

The Quran reminds parents that these personality differences are part of a divine design. The goal is not to make siblings identical, but to guide each heart towards goodness according to its natural strengths. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 84: 

‘Say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): “Each person acts according to their own temperament, so your Sustainer is fully aware as to who is the one, who (has chosen to be on) the rightly guided pathways”.’ 

Fostering Gratitude Over Comparison 

A powerful Hadith warns against unhealthy comparison, a lesson that is perfectly suited to sibling dynamics. This teaching encourages focusing on gratitude rather than looking at what others have. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2963c, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Look at those who are beneath you and do not look at those who are above you, for that is better suited so that you do not disparage the favour of Allah upon you.’ 

When parents instil this value early, children learn to appreciate what they have instead of resenting what others possess. The older sibling learns humility, understanding that leadership is a trust, while the younger one learns contentment, knowing that their worth is not measured by imitation. 

Creating an Atmosphere of Mutual Growth 

Encourage your children to admire each other’s good traits while also recognising their own. Remind them that admiration can coexist with individuality. Use daily examples to illustrate this, such as, ‘You both pray to Allah Almighty, but you each make du‘a in your own words.’ This teaches them that imitation can evolve into a shared faith, not a rivalry. 

In such a home, admiration becomes a bridge, not a battle. Each child grows secure in their own identity while feeling inspired by the other. Parents, in turn, witness a transformation from restless competition to respectful collaboration, and from rivalry to Rahmah (mercy). When nurtured wisely, even imitation becomes a means of expressing love that reflects the harmony Allah Almighty intended for families.