What should I do when siblings argue over who did more of the job? 

Parenting Perspective 

Arguments between siblings about their contributions often stem from a deeper need for individual recognition and fairness, rather than an actual imbalance of work. It is important to begin by acknowledging each child’s effort individually: “I can see that both of you have worked very hard on tidying this room.” This simple validation reduces defensiveness and helps each child feel seen and heard. Critically, you must avoid taking sides immediately, as this will only escalate tension and foster resentment. 

Use Objective Measures and Shared Goals 

To prevent future disputes, introduce a neutral and objective system to track contributions. This could be a visual chore chart or even simple tally marks for completed tasks. This method makes the work visible, removes subjective comparisons, and helps turn the focus towards shared accomplishment instead of individual competition. Emphasise the value of teamwork by saying, “Look at what you both achieved together today,” which shifts the narrative from ‘who did more’ to ‘what we did as a team.’ 

Teach Reflection and Appreciation 

Actively encourage your children to recognise and appreciate each other’s efforts. Prompt this reflection by asking questions like, “How did your sibling’s help make this job easier for you?” or “What is one way you could thank each other for your hard work?” This practice fosters essential qualities such as empathy, gratitude, and emotional intelligence. Over time, your children will learn to value cooperation over competition, leading to fewer arguments and a more positive family atmosphere where fairness and respect can coexist. 

Spiritual Insight 

Promoting Justice and Mutual Respect 

Sibling conflicts over chores are often reflections of deeper lessons about fairness and humility. Islam encourages balance and justice in all relationships, teaching believers to recognise one another’s rights and contributions without comparison or envy. When children argue over “who did more,” it provides an opportunity to ground them in these timeless principles of fairness and respect. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 13: 
‘O mankind, indeed, We (Allah Almighty) have created you all from one man and one woman; and placed you amongst various nations and tribes for your introduction to each other…’ 

This verse calls believers to celebrate diversity, understanding, and mutual recognition rather than competition. Within a family, this translates to appreciating each sibling’s unique effort. Parents can help children internalise that contribution is not measured by quantity but by sincerity and teamwork. Fairness, in Islam, is not about identical work—it is about equal regard and appreciation for one another’s roles. 

Nurturing Compassion in Family Bonds 

Beyond fairness, Islam places great emphasis on compassion and emotional awareness within family relationships. True success lies not in outdoing one another but in showing kindness, patience, and mercy. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1921, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 
“He who does not show mercy to our young ones, nor respect to our elders, is not one of us.” 

This hadith reminds parents that love and respect are the glue that hold families together. When children learn to acknowledge each other’s effort with gratitude, they practise mercy in action. Encouraging siblings to express appreciation—such as thanking one another for help—transforms routine chores into moral training. 

Turning Conflict into Spiritual Growth 

Moments of dispute can be reframed as opportunities for spiritual growth. Parents who model calm fairness, use just systems, and guide reflection help their children internalise the Islamic value of adl (justice). Through this, siblings learn that working together harmoniously brings more barakah (blessing) than competing for credit. 

By weaving fairness, compassion, and gratitude into these everyday moments, parents nurture the moral foundation of a just and united family—one that mirrors the spirit of cooperation and mercy that Islam so beautifully upholds.