What should my child say when a teacher asks how they feel and they freeze? 

Parenting Perspective 

For many children, being asked directly about their feelings can feel like being put on the spot. Their mind can go blank, their body freezes, and silence replaces speech. This does not mean they do not know how they feel; it is often a sign that their emotional system has gone into a protective mode. Helping your child to prepare a few simple phrases to use in these moments can give them a sense of safety and control, rather than panic or shame. 

Why Children Freeze 

Freezing is the body’s way of coping when the brain senses pressure. In a school environment, children may worry about saying the ‘wrong’ thing or showing too much emotion. When a teacher asks, ‘How are you feeling?’ the question can feel too open or sudden. The goal is not to force an instant expression, but to give your child some safe, prepared phrases that keep the connection open until their words return. It can be helpful to explain to your child that freezing is a normal response: ‘Sometimes when someone asks a big question, our words hide for a bit. That is okay; we just need time.’ 

Creating Simple ‘Bridge’ Phrases 

‘Bridge’ phrases are designed to buy your child time while still signalling honesty. You can practise a few that feel natural for their age and personality. Examples include: 

• ‘I am not sure yet, but I will tell you later.’ 

• ‘It is hard for me to explain, but I think I am okay.’ 

• ‘I do not know how to say it right now.’ 

• ‘Can I have a minute to think?’ 

Each of these phrases keeps the lines of communication open without forcing a level of depth they are not ready for. 

Using a Visual ‘Feelings Helper’ 

You can give your child a small, pocket-sized card with colours or faces showing basic moods, such as calm, worried, tired, or excited. If speaking feels too hard, they can simply point to or show the card. You could practise this at home by saying, ‘If your words get stuck, you can show the face or the colour that fits best.’ This simple tool can turn silence into expression and give the teacher a helpful cue without applying any pressure. 

Practising in Calm Moments 

It is best to practise these skills in a light and playful way when your child is feeling calm and relaxed. You could take turns pretending to be the teacher and praise their effort, not their precision: ‘That was perfect. You stayed so calm and spoke honestly.’ This kind of repetition helps the phrases to become a part of their emotional muscle memory, ready for when their nerves rise. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, expressing our emotions with honesty and humility is a reflection of sidq, or truthfulness of the heart. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was always gentle in the way he asked questions and patient in waiting for a reply, understanding that silence can also hold sincerity. Helping a child to find simple words for difficult moments teaches them both honesty and self-awareness, qualities that are beloved by Allah Almighty. 

The Quranic Emphasis on Truthful Speech 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ahzaab (33), Verse 70: 

‘O those of you, who are believers, seek piety from Allah (Almighty) and always speak with words of blatant accuracy.’ 

This verse encourages thoughtful and balanced speech, with words that are chosen with a sense of calm and sincerity. Teaching your child short, honest phrases to use in emotional moments helps to fulfil this principle, allowing them to speak with care, even when they feel unsure. 

The Prophetic Model of Emotional Gentleness 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4943, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He who does not show mercy to our young ones, nor recognise the rights of our elders, is not of us.’ 

This hadith embodies the importance of emotional sensitivity and of understanding when a child needs patience and mercy. When a child freezes under pressure, responding with gentleness rather than frustration mirrors the Prophet’s ﷺ compassion. Encouraging them to express themselves slowly, with kindness and space, helps them to learn that mercy, not fear, is the foundation of true communication. 

Helping your child to prepare for moments of emotional freezing is not about rehearsing perfection; it is about building a sense of safety. A few honest words, a small card, or even a calm breath can be the bridge from silence to trust. 

Over time, your child will learn that speaking their truth, even softly or briefly, is enough. They will discover that their teachers, like their parents, are there to help, not to judge. In that steady space of patience and care, they will begin to live one of Islam’s most beautiful lessons: that gentleness can give a voice to the heart, even when words are slow to come.