How can I stop the loop of apologies to teachers with no change in actions? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child repeatedly apologises to their teachers but keeps repeating the same behaviour, it can leave you feeling disheartened and can leave their teachers feeling sceptical. The issue is not necessarily that your child does not mean their apology, but that they have not yet learned how to turn their remorse into responsibility. An apology without a change in behaviour means that the emotional message has not yet been translated into action. Your role is to help them to build that bridge, from saying ‘I am sorry’ to showing ‘Here is how I will do better.’ 

Understand Why the Apologies Are Not Sticking 

Some children apologise quickly in order to end their discomfort, rather than to show genuine reflection. Others truly feel sorry but they lack the self regulation skills to behave differently next time. The problem is not dishonesty, but incomplete learning. You can start by gently asking: 

‘When you said that you were sorry, what did you mean? What will you do differently next time?’ 

This question shifts your child’s focus from their emotions to a strategy for the future. You are teaching them that real accountability includes repair and change, not just words. 

Teach the Three Steps of a Sincere Apology 

You can break the process down simply so that your child can internalise it. 

• Acknowledge what happened: ‘I spoke while the teacher was talking.’ 

• Express remorse: ‘I know that it was disrespectful and I am sorry.’ 

• Plan for change: ‘Next time, I will take a deep breath and wait until it is my turn.’ 

You can practise this structure together at home. When an apology becomes thoughtful and specific, it begins to reshape behaviour. 

Link an Apology to an Act of Repair 

An apology without an act of repair can feel hollow. Encourage your child to act on their words. 

• Offer to help tidy the classroom after disrupting it. 

• Write a short note of appreciation for the teacher’s patience. 

• Practise self control strategies before the next class. 

When a child’s actions match their words, teachers will begin to see their sincerity, and the child will begin to feel empowered. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, sincerity in repentance, or tawbah, is not just about saying sorry; it is about returning to goodness through action. Teaching your child this concept transforms an apology into an act of spiritual growth. It helps them to see that accountability is not about guilt, but about moral refinement. 

Repentance with Action in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 70: 

‘Except for the one who sought repentance, and believed (in the truth), and enacted virtuous deeds; so, for those people, Allah (Almighty) shall substitute (and extinguish) their evil deeds with good deeds; and Allah (Almighty) is All Forgiving and All Merciful.’ 

This verse teaches that true repentance combines regret with renewal. When your child repeats a behaviour after apologising, you can remind them that Allah Almighty values a change in action far more than just words. Turning a mistake into a good deed, such as by helping others or by showing respect, is how true growth occurs. 

The Depth of Sincerity in the Teachings of the Holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ 

It is recorded in Mishkaat Al Masaabih, Hadith 2363, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The one who repents from sin is like one who has never sinned.’ 

This Hadith reminds us that the mercy of Allah Almighty embraces sincere effort. Each time your child apologises and tries again, they are invited to begin anew, but that renewal only blossoms when their apology is followed by a change in their actions. Teaching your child this helps them to see repentance as an act of empowerment, not a cycle of guilt, but a path to continuous improvement. 

When your child falls into a loop of making apologies without any change in their behaviour, your calm guidance can help to turn their routine words into meaningful growth. By helping them to plan, practise, and repair, you are teaching them integrity, in both their deeds and their faith. Spiritually, your patience becomes part of that transformation. Each conversation about accountability becomes an act of tarbiyyah, nurturing their heart toward sincerity.