What can I say when my child compares me to another parent who said yes? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be a stinging moment when your child says, ‘But their mum lets them!’ or ‘Their dad said yes!’. Such comments can trigger feelings of guilt, doubt, or even frustration, as though your love is being measured against another parent’s leniency. These comparisons are one of the most common emotional tests in parenting. Beneath the surface, however, they are not signs of defiance, but signals of a child learning to navigate their own ideas of fairness, freedom, and authority. Your response in these moments shapes not just their respect for you, but also their understanding of values and boundaries. 

The Emotion Behind the Comparison 

When children compare parents, they are not usually trying to be insulting or manipulative; they are seeking leverage to get what they want. They believe that referencing another parent’s permission strengthens their case. It is a form of emotional reasoning, not disrespect. Understanding this helps you to remain calm and confident rather than becoming defensive. They are not questioning your worth as a parent; they are testing the limits of their own influence. 

A Calm and Confident Response 

It is important to avoid reacting emotionally or sarcastically with phrases like, ‘Well, I am not their parent!’ Instead, keep your tone calm, kind, and grounded. You might say: 

‘I understand that their parent said yes, and that sounds exciting for them. Every family, however, makes choices that fit what is best for them. In our family, this is what is best for us right now.’ 

Your child might still protest, but your composure teaches them that peace does not depend on everyone agreeing. If they persist, you can repeat gently but firmly, ‘I know it is hard to accept a different answer, but my decision will stay the same. I love you, and I make choices that I believe will protect and help you, even when they feel difficult.’ This consistency helps to build a deep emotional security. 

Respecting Other Parents 

Avoid the temptation to criticise the other parent, even subtly. Instead, model respect by keeping your response focused on your own family’s standards. This quietly teaches your child that dignity does not depend on comparison, but grows from conviction. You can acknowledge the difference neutrally by saying, ‘Different families have different ways of doing things. What matters is that we follow what is right for us.’ 

Turning Comparison into Conversation 

Later, when calm has returned, you can gently explore the idea of values. You might say, ‘Sometimes other parents say yes when I say no. That does not mean one is right and the other is wrong; it just means we show our care in different ways. My job is to guide you with what I believe is best for your safety and your heart.’ This conversation helps your child to move from a place of comparison towards one of understanding, a lifelong skill in navigating fairness and individuality. 

Spiritual Insight 

Parenting often mirrors divine wisdom. We, too, sometimes question why others have what we do not, or why Allah Almighty withholds what we desire. His restraint, however, is a form of mercy, not neglect. In moments when your child compares you to others, you have the chance to reflect that same wisdom: a firm guidance that is wrapped in compassion. 

The Divine Balance of Contentment 

The Quran reminds us that differences are a part of the divine design, whether in wealth, permission, or circumstance. Just as Allah Almighty grants things differently according to His wisdom, parents must also make choices that are uniquely suited to their own families. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 71: 

‘And Allah (Almighty) has preferred some a few over others in the provisions (of this world)… then is it the benefactions of Allah (Almighty) that they discard?’ 

When your child makes a comparison, you are teaching them a deeper truth: that fairness is not about sameness, and that love can look different in different families, yet remain full and sincere. 

The Mercy of Firm Guidance 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that mercy is the foundation of good leadership, and parenting is a form of leadership. When you hold your boundary gently, you are showing mercy through protection, not through indulgence. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1924, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The merciful are shown mercy by the Most Merciful. Be merciful to those on earth, and the One above the heavens will have mercy upon you.’ 

You are guiding your child toward self-restraint, gratitude, and understanding, qualities that will blossom with time. 

When your child says, ‘But their parent said yes!’, and you respond with calm conviction, you are doing more than just holding a rule; you are shaping their moral resilience. You are showing that your values do not bend under pressure, and that love can be firm without being harsh. Your calm response tells your child, ‘Our family’s choices are rooted in care, not in comparison.’ 

Over time, they will remember not the refusal, but your composure: the steady tone, the warmth behind the firmness, and the way you held your ground without anger. For you, that patience becomes a quiet act of worship, a reflection of a faith, wisdom, and mercy that mirrors the balance Allah Almighty calls us all to live by.