How do I stay patient when my child yells because we cannot sit where they want? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is a familiar scene for many parents, often in a public place like a restaurant or a mosque. You choose a seat, and your child objects loudly, ‘No! I want to sit there!’ The sudden outburst can feel embarrassing, and your first instinct might be to hush or scold them. These moments, though uncomfortable, are powerful opportunities to teach calmness, flexibility, and respect. 

Understanding the Outburst 

A child’s insistence on a particular seat is rarely about the seat itself. It is about a need for control in a world where most decisions are made by adults. When you say no, they can feel momentarily powerless, and their yelling is a release of that frustration. Recognising this helps you to remain composed. The outburst is not an act of defiance aimed at you, but a sign of your child’s struggle to regulate their own disappointment. 

Leading with Calm Authority 

The way you respond will determine whether the situation escalates or eases. Keep your body language steady, lower your own voice, and say slowly, ‘I can hear that you really want to sit over there. However, this is where we will be sitting now.’ 

Then, stop speaking. It is best to avoid over-explaining, as too many words can fuel a debate. Let your calmness hold the space instead of your volume. If they continue to yell, you can repeat gently but firmly, ‘I know you are upset. It is okay to feel angry, but shouting will not change the situation. Let us take some deep breaths together.’ 

Maintaining Composure in Public 

When you feel that others are watching, it is easy to feel judged. Remember, your goal is not to perform for others; it is to parent your child. Keep your attention focused on them, not on any onlookers. Your restraint teaches them dignity and calm under pressure, two traits that will serve them far beyond childhood. Once they are calm, you can offer them a small way to regain a sense of control, such as choosing which side of you to sit on. This teaches compromise and emotional recovery. 

Reflecting on the Moment Afterwards 

Once calm has returned, you can revisit the moment briefly. You might say, ‘You were very upset earlier because you wanted a different seat. It is okay to feel angry, but yelling makes things harder for everyone. Next time, you can try to use your calm voice to tell me how you feel.’ Such reflections help to build emotional vocabulary and self-awareness, turning a potential meltdown into a moment of learning. 

Spiritual Insight 

The test of a parent’s patience often arrives in the smallest, most public of moments. When your child’s voice rises and you choose to respond with calm instead of anger, you are living a quiet form of worship. It is in those brief pauses, between your own frustration and your response, that your faith can truly come alive. 

The Strength of Gentle Restraint 

The Quran describes a beautiful composure that can transform confrontation into calm. When your child yells and you respond with patience, you are embodying this divine quality of gentleness under pressure. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 63: 

‘And the true servants of the One Who is Most Beneficent are those who wander around the Earth with humility; and when they are addressed by the ignorant people, they say: “Peace be unto you”.’ 

By choosing quiet strength, you show your child, and yourself, that calmness is an act of worship, not a weakness. 

Teaching Mercy Through Everyday Authority 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that our true character is revealed at home, in the tone we choose when we are tested by those closest to us. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1162, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most complete of the believers in faith are those with the best character, and the best of you are those who are best to their families.’ 

When your child shouts and you respond with composed kindness instead of anger, you are practising a prophetic character in its purest form. Your calmness teaches them that leadership is rooted in mercy, not dominance, and that love can hold firm boundaries without breaking the connection between you. 

Each time your child yells and you remain steady, you are teaching a profound lesson: that emotion can be expressed without losing respect, and that love remains calm even when it is challenged. You are not only shaping their behaviour; you are shaping their heart, and your own. Your calm presence becomes their emotional blueprint, showing them that peace is a choice, not a coincidence. For you, each quiet breath in those heated moments is a step closer to spiritual maturity, a moment where your restraint becomes worship, and where faith quietly fills the space between your ‘no’ and your child’s scream.