What do we say to parents who insist online comments are not “real life”? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is a common response from well-meaning parents to dismiss online insults by saying, ‘Just ignore it; it is not real life.’ To today’s children, however, the digital world is an integral part of their reality. Their friendships, social interactions, and sense of belonging often live there. When a parent minimises the impact of online cruelty, even with good intentions, the child can feel misunderstood and isolated. The truth is that digital words carry real emotional weight. They can humiliate, isolate, or comfort, just like words spoken aloud. The key is not to argue over whether the experience is ‘real,’ but to help all families recognise that online interactions are extensions of real relationships and therefore require real compassion. 

The Link Between Digital and Emotional Reality 

When a comment thread is used to mock your child, their brain and heart do not register the experience as ‘virtual.’ They feel the same embarrassment, rejection, and fear that they would if the words were spoken face to face. Social media can amplify this pain because it happens in front of an invisible crowd that might include classmates, relatives, and even strangers. 

Dismissing digital hurt is like telling a child with a paper cut that it is not a real wound. The mark may be small, but the pain is real. What matters most is emotional validation. Simple statements like, ‘That must have really hurt to read,’ or, ‘Let us talk about how we can handle this together,’ can turn a moment of isolation into one of connection, which is the foundation of all healing. 

Why Online Cruelty Feels Amplified 

Online comments can be read over and over again, seen by many people, and often remain visible for days. Each time the comment is re-read, it is as if the insult is being delivered anew. This repeated exposure deepens the emotional impact. Helping other parents to grasp this concept can change their response from being dismissive to being protective. 

You could explain it this way: ‘When we were children, insults usually faded by the end of the day. For our children, the day never ends because the screen keeps replaying it.’ When adults see it from this perspective, they can begin to understand that online comments are not harmless, but relentless echoes. 

Moving from Denial to Dialogue 

If another parent insists, ‘It is just online,’ try to shift the conversation towards a shared goal. You might say, ‘The screen may be different, but the pain feels the same. Let us help our children learn healthy boundaries instead of pretending it does not matter.’ This approach keeps the discussion calm and constructive. When parents can align on the goal of their children’s wellbeing, understanding often follows. 

Modelling Responsible Empathy 

Children learn how to treat others online by watching how adults respond to digital harm. When parents treat online comments seriously, offering empathy, reflection, and moral guidance, children learn that every word matters, no matter where it is written. Online and offline are not two separate worlds; they are part of one continuous human experience. To dismiss what happens on a screen is to miss a vital part of your child’s emotional world. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam calls believers to integrity, kindness, and truth in every space, whether public, private, or virtual. The digital world does not dilute our moral responsibility; it magnifies it. In the sight of Allah, every typed word is still a spoken word. When parents teach this, they root their children in an accountability and empathy that can transcend platforms and generations. 

Accountability for Words in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Qaaf (50), Verse 18: 

‘(Man) is unable to utter a single word, without him being closely observed (and all actions being recorded), who is always present.’ 

This verse reminds us that no word, whether typed, texted, or spoken, is without a witness. The digital world has not changed this divine truth; it has only multiplied the spaces in which it applies. Teaching this to both parents and children helps to build an awareness that every comment carries a consequence before Allah Almighty. 

The Prophet’s ﷺ Teaching on the Power of the Tongue 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 48, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He who believes in Allah and the Last Day must speak good or remain silent.’ 

This hadith teaches us that restraint and goodness in our speech are not optional; they are a defining feature of faith itself. When children and parents apply this principle to their online behaviour, they begin to see that digital kindness is not a modern form of etiquette, but a timeless act of worship. 

When parents dismiss online cruelty as ‘not real life,’ they unintentionally leave their children to face their pain alone. However, when they acknowledge that pain with empathy, they can transform it into a moment of guidance. 

By validating digital experiences, families can teach that faith applies everywhere: in our conversations, in comment sections, and in the quiet of our own hearts. When parents begin to see screens not as separate worlds, but as mirrors of a person’s character, they will raise children who understand that sincerity and kindness belong everywhere, both on their lips and behind the keyboard.