What should they do when both want to talk first about their day? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is a familiar scene in many families: two friends or siblings rush to share their news at the same time, with both exclaiming, ‘Guess what happened to me today!’ and ‘No, you have to listen to me first!’ What begins as a moment of excitement can quickly turn into one of tension. Teaching your child how to handle these moments with a sense of grace can help them to build their emotional maturity, their empathy, and their conversational patience, all of which are skills that can make their relationships thrive. 

Start with an Understanding of What Is Happening 

You can explain to your child that when both people want to talk at once, it is not a sign of selfishness, but of a shared enthusiasm. You could say, ‘You both want to be heard right now because you are both excited to share something special.’ This helps them to see the moment as a shared joy, rather than as a competition. This sense of understanding can help to reduce their defensiveness and can make the idea of a compromise feel much easier. 

Practise the ‘You Go, Then Me’ Skill 

You can teach your child how to negotiate for their turn in a polite and respectful way by offering them a few short and easy phrases to use. 

• ‘You can go first, and I will tell you my news after.’ 

• ‘Okay, you can start, and then it will be my turn.’ 

• ‘I will listen to you first this time, and then next time you can listen to me first.’ 

It is a good idea to role-play these exchanges at home so that they begin to sound and feel more natural. You can reinforce the idea that listening first does not mean losing out; it is an act of friendship and of confidence. 

Model the Art of Sharing Conversational Space 

You can show your child what a balanced conversation sounds like by doing it yourself. When you both have things that you want to share, you could say, ‘I am so excited to tell you my news too, but you can go first, and then it will be my turn.’ This helps to model the idea that a sense of fairness and patience is what makes a conversation flow in a beautiful way. You could even practise this as a family game at the dinner table, with one person talking, the next person reflecting briefly on what they have said, and then sharing their own story. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, good manners in both our speech and our listening are seen as signs of a refined character and a sincere faith. The delicate balance between speaking and listening is a reflection of adab, the beautiful conduct that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ exemplified in his own life. Teaching your child to allow others to share their news first can help them to cultivate the virtues of humility and patience, both of which are qualities that can draw a person closer to Allah Almighty. 

The Spiritual Virtue of Listening with Respect 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Zumar (39), Verse 18: 

‘ Those people that listen attentively to a saying, and then follow what is the best (content) from it; those are the people who have been guided by Allah (Almighty); and those are the people of rational understanding.‘ 

This verse reminds us that the act of listening is not a passive one; it is an act of wisdom and of discernment. When your child is able to pause and to listen to their friend first, they are practising a form of understanding that is praised by Allah. It teaches them that true wisdom often begins with a moment of quietness and that it grows through a sense of empathy. 

The Prophetic Example of Turn-Taking in Conversation 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1927, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘It is enough of an evil for a person to belittle his brother Muslim.’ 

This hadith teaches us that a sense of respect and dignity should be at the heart of all our interactions. The act of cutting someone off or of insisting on being heard first can make the other person feel small or dismissed. By waiting for their turn and by listening fully, your child is honouring their friend’s feelings and is mirroring the Prophet’s ﷺ own humility and gentleness in his communication. 

Helping your child to learn how to balance the acts of talking and listening is one of the simplest yet most powerful ways to nurture their emotional intelligence. They can discover for themselves that a moment of patience does not silence their voice; it actually strengthens it. By choosing to listen first, they are helping to make a space for a deeper sense of connection and a mutual feeling of respect. 

Your own encouragement and your personal example will teach them that the art of being heard often begins with the art of learning to hear others. Over time, this simple habit will help to shape them into a person whose very presence brings a sense of calm, not of competition, someone who listens not just to be able to reply, but to truly understand. 

Spiritually, this skill is a reflection of the very heart of Islamic manners: to speak with a sense of care, to listen with a sense of compassion, and to give other people their own moment of importance. When your child is able to learn to say, ‘You go first,’ with a sincere heart, they are not losing their turn; they are gaining the quiet strength of a kind heart and the sense of grace that Allah Almighty loves to see in those who are able to choose patience over a sense of pride.