What do I say to a coach if drills seem too aggressive for my child? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be unsettling when you feel that the drills in your child’s sports or martial arts class are overly harsh. You may not want to appear overprotective, but your child’s safety and emotional well-being must always come first. The goal is to speak up early, calmly, and respectfully, so that the coach is able to understand your concerns without feeling criticised. 

Start with Observation, Not Accusation 

It is always best to approach the coach privately after the class, rather than in front of the whole group. Begin with a neutral statement, such as, ‘I noticed that today’s drills were more physical than usual.’ Then, it is a good idea to pause and allow the coach to explain the intention behind the intensity. Opening the conversation with a sense of curiosity keeps the tone collaborative, not confrontational. 

State Your Observations Calmly 

Be factual and calm: ‘My child looked a little overwhelmed today and mentioned that some of the drills felt too hard for them.’ This shifts the focus from an accusation like, “You are being too rough,” to a simple statement of how your child is reacting. 

Ask for an Adjustment 

Phrase your request as a partnership. 

• ‘Could we perhaps slow it down a little until they build more confidence?’ 

• ‘Would you mind pairing them with a gentler partner during the contact drills?’ 

• ‘Is there a lighter version of this exercise they could practise first?’ 

Such requests show that you respect the coach’s role while still asserting your child’s boundary. 

Express Your Shared Goals 

It can be helpful to reinforce your trust in the coach: ‘I know you want the children to develop strength and discipline, and that is exactly why we value this class. I just want to make sure my one feels safe enough to keep learning.’ This reassurance can soften any potential defensiveness. 

Follow Up with Your Child 

Afterwards, let your child know what you did and why: ‘I spoke to your coach today because your safety is more important than keeping quiet.’ This teaches them about advocacy and shows them that communication can be both calm and effective. 

Know When to Escalate the Issue 

If nothing changes or if the coach dismisses your concerns, do not hesitate to contact the club manager or look for another class. A respectful environment is one that listens to the concerns of parents and prioritises safety. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, parents are entrusted with the duty to guard their children’s well-being: physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Speaking up for their safety is an act of fulfilling your amanah (sacred trust). 

Fulfilling Your Sacred Trust 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anfaal (8), Verse 27: 

‘O you who are believers, do not ever be pretentious (in following the commandment) of Allah (Almighty) and His Prophet (Muhammad ﷺ); and do not misappropriate what has been entrusted upon you, whilst you know (the consequences of such actions).’ 

This verse reminds us that safeguarding those who are under our care is a sacred responsibility. Protecting your child’s safety, even in a small matter like a sports drill, is a fulfilment of that divine trust. 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 212, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock.’ 

This teaches that every parent is accountable before Allah Almighty for the safety and moral well-being of their child. Speaking respectfully to a coach in defence of your child’s safety is part of fulfilling that sacred duty. 

Remind yourself and your child that advocating for their safety is not a weakness; it is a form of mercy. Allah Almighty loves those who stand up for what is fair with gentleness.