How can I guide my child when a friend’s play style is rougher than what we allow at home? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children quickly discover that not every home follows the same rules of play. When a friend’s style of play is louder or more physical than what your family is used to, it can leave your child feeling uncertain about how to react. The goal is to help your child feel confident in maintaining their own boundaries while still preserving the friendship. This balance helps to build emotional intelligence, social courage, and a respect for differences. 

Define and Own Your Family’s Rules 

Begin with calm clarity: ‘Every family has different ways of playing, but in our home, safety always comes first.’ It is important to avoid blaming or judging the friend. Instead, frame the rules as part of your family’s identity: ‘In our family, we use kind hands, we stop when someone says pause, and we never aim for faces.’ Framing your rules as family values, rather than just restrictions, makes it easier for your child to uphold them with pride instead of embarrassment. 

Practise Setting Boundaries Through Role-Play 

Before a playdate, it can be helpful to walk your child through some possible scenarios. Ask them, ‘What could you do if your friend starts to play too rough?’ and practise some calm phrases. 

• ‘Let us play on the mat instead of the bed; it is much safer.’ 

• ‘I like wrestling gently, but not tackling.’ 

• ‘Pause! That is a bit too strong for me.’ 

• ‘How about we play something else for a while?’ 

Rehearsing these lines can remove hesitation and help the words come more naturally in a real situation. 

Intervene Early, Calmly, and Neutrally 

If you notice rough play escalating during a playdate, it is best to intervene quickly but without blame. Use neutral phrases like, ‘We play a bit differently here. Let us keep the game on the floor and gentle,’ or ‘Pause, everyone! Time for a new game!’ Your own calmness will serve as a model for leadership. 

Empower Your Child to Be a Gentle Leader 

If your child tends to take the lead, you can help them to become a gentle role model for their friends. You could say, ‘When you show your friend our way of playing, you are teaching them about leadership and kindness.’ Praise any visible moments of restraint: ‘You slowed down even when your friend was still being fast. That was very wise of you.’ 

Reflect on the Experience Afterwards 

Later, talk through what happened with a sense of curiosity, not criticism. 

• ‘How did you feel when the play started to get rough?’ 

• ‘What helped you to handle that situation?’ 

• ‘Is there anything we could do differently next time?’ 

Parent: ‘Your friend plays more roughly than we are used to. What can we do to keep things fun but also safe?’ 

Child: ‘Maybe I can say that we should only play on the mat.’ 

Parent: ‘That is a perfect idea. You would be protecting both of you. That is what real friendship looks like.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches a beautiful balance between kindness and caution, compassion and self-protection. When you help your child to maintain respectful boundaries during their play, you are teaching them adab the art of interacting correctly and courteously with others. It is about honouring others while also protecting oneself, a core principle of Islamic character. 

Mutual Respect in the Face of Differences 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 11: 

‘Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them…’ 

This verse reminds us to treat differences with respect, not ridicule. When your child interacts with someone whose style of play is rougher, this verse guides them to respond with patience and dignity, not judgement. Respecting the ways of others while holding firmly to one’s own values is a sign of both maturity and faith. 

The Prophetic Duty to Prevent Harm 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 41, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘None of you truly believes until his brother (or sister) is safe from his tongue and his hand.’ 

This hadith emphasises that a component of true faith is actively preventing harm to others, whether through our words or our actions. Guiding your child to maintain their boundaries and prevent rough play from hurting a friend is a practical and meaningful expression of this teaching.