How can I teach “ask before tackling” so consent is part of the game? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children often express affection and excitement through physical play, such as chasing, tackling, and wrestling. However, without consent, even the most innocent play can lead to fear, pain, or resentment. Teaching the simple rule of ‘ask before you tackle’ transforms rough play into a powerful lesson about respect, empathy, and personal boundaries. It demonstrates that an activity is only fun when everyone involved agrees to participate. 

Make Consent a Non-Negotiable Rule 

Establish ‘ask first’ as a non-negotiable rule, just as important as ‘no head contact’. Phrase it simply and clearly: ‘You must ask before you tackle, and you must hear a “yes” before you start.’ Repeat this line before every play session so it becomes an instinctive part of the game. You can use simple examples to show how consent works in practice. 

• ‘Can I tackle you?’ 

• ‘Yes, but only gently.’ 

• ‘Okay, are you ready?’ 

If the other person says ‘no’ or ‘not now’, praise your child for respecting their answer, even if they feel disappointed. This ability to pause demonstrates emotional maturity and self-control. 

Explain the Reasoning Behind the Rule 

Children need to understand that asking for consent helps to protect everyone’s comfort and safety. You can say: ‘When you ask before tackling, you are making sure the other person feels safe and ready to play. That is how real friends treat each other.’ This frames the rule around mutual trust rather than fear. 

Model the Behaviour Yourself 

Let your child see you putting consent into practice. If you want to initiate a game, ask clearly: ‘Can I wrestle with you?’ and wait for their answer. If they say no, respond calmly with, ‘Okay, maybe we can play later.’ This modelling teaches them that asking is normal and that hearing ‘no’ is not a rejection, but a part of respectful interaction. 

Child A: ‘Can I tackle you?’ 

Sibling: ‘Not right now, I am feeling tired.’ 

Parent: ‘Thank you for saying no so kindly. And thank you for listening and waiting—that is real teamwork.’ 

Use Visual Reminders 

Consider posting a small, simple sign near your designated play area with the words: ‘Ask. Wait. Play.’ Simple visual cues can help younger children to internalise the rule more quickly. You can also use gestures, such as a thumbs-up, to represent giving permission. 

Handle Mistakes Calmly and Consistently 

When a child forgets the rule and tackles without asking, stop the play immediately but calmly. Say: ‘Pause. You tackled without asking first. Let us reset.’ It is important to avoid shaming; instead, treat it as a skill that needs more practice. Have them apologise, check if the other person is okay, and then try again properly. 

Celebrate Every Success 

When you notice your child remembering to ask before tackling, praise them warmly: ‘I loved that you asked your brother first. That was very respectful and strong of you.’ This positive reinforcement shows them that self-control and kindness are qualities worth celebrating. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam deeply values mutual respect, gentleness, and caring for the comfort of others. Teaching children to ‘ask before tackling’ connects directly with this spiritual ethic, which holds that strength should never be allowed to override compassion. Seeking consent before acting is a reflection of the Islamic principle that we must ensure no one is harmed or made uncomfortable by our actions. 

The Quranic Emphasis on Mutual Respect 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 11: 

‘Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them…’ 

Although this verse speaks specifically of ridicule, its underlying message is to protect the dignity of others in every interaction. When your child asks for consent before tackling, they are honouring the other person’s comfort and worth, ensuring that no one feels cornered or unsafe. 

The Prophetic Principle of Avoiding Harm 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 2340, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm.’ 

This hadith aligns perfectly with the idea of consent in play. Even when children have no intention of causing harm, tackling someone without asking first can still cause physical or emotional hurt. By teaching them to seek permission, you are helping them to live by this hadith and ensuring that their actions bring joy, not injury. This practice teaches restraint, empathy, and accountability virtues that build healthy relationships.