What can my child say when friends start gossiping about someone nearby? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children are often drawn into gossip without malicious intent. When a group of friends begins whispering or laughing about another person nearby, it can create an awkward social pressure. Many children feel torn: they do not want to be left out, but they also feel an inner sense of discomfort. By teaching your child what to say in these difficult moments, you give them the confidence to act with dignity and kindness, empowering them to balance a desire to belong with a commitment to their own integrity. 

Explain the Harm Caused by Gossip 

Begin by explaining what gossip is and why it is so hurtful. You can say: ‘When we gossip, we talk about someone instead of to them. This can make a person feel small and excluded, especially if they are close enough to hear what is being said.’ This helps them to reframe gossip not as harmless chatter, but as a behaviour that causes real emotional harm. 

Provide Gentle but Firm Boundary Phrases 

Equip your child with simple, non-dramatic lines they can use to set a boundary without attacking their friends. 

• ‘Let us not talk about other people. What about…?’ 

• ‘That does not feel very fair. Can we please change the subject?’ 

• ‘I do not feel comfortable talking about them when they are right here.’ 

Teach Neutral Redirection Skills 

Not every child will feel confident enough to set a direct boundary. For them, a neutral redirection can be just as effective. Give them ‘escape phrases’ that change the topic naturally. 

• ‘Hey, has anyone heard about that new game that just came out?’ 

• ‘Actually, that reminds me of something funny I wanted to share.’ 

• ‘Who wants to go and play football instead?’ 

This approach allows your child to steer the group away from gossip without sounding judgemental. 

Practise Different Scenarios Through Role-Play 

Role-play some common scenarios where friends might start gossiping. Coach your child in using both direct boundary phrases and the more subtle redirection techniques. Reinforce their efforts by saying: ‘That was a brave and respectful way to handle that. You protected someone’s dignity without alienating your friends.’ 

Reinforce Their Courageous Choices 

When your child tells you about a time they successfully avoided or redirected a gossipy conversation, praise their choice. You could say: ‘That showed real courage and good character. You kept your friendships, but you also kept your integrity.’ This helps them to feel proud of choosing kindness. 

Spiritual Insight 

Gossip Is a Spiritually Serious Matter 

Islam teaches that backbiting and gossip are among the most destructive sins of the tongue. Making unkind remarks about someone who is close enough to hear is an especially cruel form of this. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 12: 

‘…And do not spy (on each other) and do not let some of you backbite against others; would one of you like to eat the meat of his mortally expired brother? Not at all – you would find it repulsive; and so seek piety from Allah (Almighty), indeed, Allah (Almighty) is the Greatest Exonerator and the Most Merciful.’ 

This verse uses a shockingly powerful image to show just how abhorrent backbiting is in the sight of Allah. Teaching this verse to your children helps them to understand that gossip is not ‘just talk,’ but something that is strongly condemned. 

The Prophet’s ﷺWarning Against Gossip 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ gave a very clear and comprehensive definition of backbiting, leaving no room for excuses. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, 2589, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do you know what backbiting is?’ They said, ‘Allah and His Messenger know best.’ He said, ‘It is to mention about your brother that which he dislikes.’ It was said, ‘What if what I say is true about him?’ He said, ‘If what you say is true, then you have backbitten him, and if it is not true, then you have slandered him.’ 

This hadith makes it clear that even saying something that is true can be a grave sin if the intention is to mock or embarrass someone. You can explain to your child: ‘When you choose to stop a gossipy conversation, you are protecting both yourself and your friends from this sin. You are following the way of the Prophet ﷺ by choosing respect over ridicule.’ 

By connecting these lessons to their faith, children learn that their words are powerful and have spiritual weight. They come to understand that refusing to participate in gossip is an act of both maturity and faith, and that true strength lies in protecting the dignity of others.