How do we handle cultural phrases that sound harsh in our language mix? 

Parenting Perspective 

In many families, especially those that mix different languages or cultures, children grow up hearing a unique blend of expressions. Some of these phrases may be considered normal in one culture but can sound rude or cutting when they are translated or heard in another. For instance, phrases like, ‘Be quiet,’ ‘Do not talk nonsense,’ or clipped responses such as, ‘What?’ may be intended as neutral but can feel harsh to the listener. This requires helping children to recognise intent, adjust their delivery, and substitute phrases when needed. 

Explain the Difference Between Intention and Impact 

You can tell your children, “Sometimes, words that are normal in our own culture can sound strong, even if they are not meant to be rude. But when we use them in English, for example, they can sound harsher than we intend.” This helps them to see that even if their intention is innocent, the impact of their words on others still matters. 

Identify ‘Trigger Phrases’ Together 

It can be a useful exercise to sit down as a family and make a list of common cultural phrases that can feel sharp when they are spoken. You can then discuss together how these phrases might be softened without losing their essential meaning. This turns the process into a form of teamwork rather than criticism. 

Offer Gentler, More Respectful Alternatives 

Provide your children with alternative phrases that communicate the same message but with more warmth and gentleness. For instance: 

• Instead of: ‘What?’ → ‘Sorry, could you please say that again?’ 

• Instead of: ‘Be quiet’ → ‘Let us try to lower our voices now.’ 

• Instead of: ‘Do not talk nonsense’ → ‘Can you please explain that more clearly?’ 

Teach the Role of Tone and Context 

Sometimes, the issue is not the phrase itself but the way in which it is delivered. You can role-play using both harsh and gentle tones so that your children can clearly hear the difference. This teaches them that their tone of voice can redeem a phrase that might otherwise sound rude. 

Model Cultural Sensitivity Yourself 

Be mindful of the phrases that you use in your own daily speech. If you accidentally say something that sounds harsh, you can model the act of correction by saying, “That phrase came out sounding a bit strong. Let me try to say that in a softer way.” Your children will follow your lead in adjusting their language while still keeping their cultural roots alive. 

A Mini-Dialogue Example 

Child: ‘What?’ (snaps at their sibling) 

Parent: ‘That sounded quite harsh. I know that phrase is normal in our culture, but in English it can feel rude. Can you try saying, “Sorry, can you say that again?”’ 

Child: ‘Sorry, can you please say that again?’ 

Parent: ‘That is much better. It has the same meaning, but it felt much more respectful.’ 

This helps children to see that while their cultural phrases can be preserved, the way they are framed matters just as much as their meaning. In short, handling these cultural phrases is about finding a balance: preserving your heritage while teaching your children to adapt their language for kindness and respect across different contexts. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places a great deal of emphasis on using speech that uplifts and brings people together, rather than words that wound, regardless of a person’s culture or background. 

The Obligation to Choose the Best Words 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verses 83: 

‘…And speak to the people with dignity…’ 

This simple but powerful command highlights that speaking kindly is not just a matter of cultural etiquette but is a divine instruction. Our children can be gently reminded, “No matter which language we are using, Allah wants us to choose words that are good and gentle.” 

The Prophet’s Example of Cultural Sensitivity 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 625, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Nothing will be heavier on the Day of Resurrection in the Scale of the believer than good manners. Allah hates one who utters foul or coarse language.’ 

This Hadith shows that even when certain words might feel “normal” in our culture, they should never be allowed to cross the line into coarseness or rudeness. Parents can explain, “Our culture has many beautiful ways of speaking, but if any phrase sounds rough or harsh to another person, we should try to adjust it to make it more pleasing to Allah.” 

By grounding this lesson in your faith, children can learn that their language is flexible; it can honour their heritage while also aligning with the universal Islamic values of respect and kindness. Over time, they can develop a sense of cultural pride that is softened with courtesy, learning that their words carry both their family’s history and their spiritual responsibility.