What do I do when they mimic adult phrases that feel cutting? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children are natural imitators. They quickly pick up phrases, tones, and expressions from the adults around them, whether at home, at school, or even from the media. Sometimes, these phrases can sound particularly sharp or dismissive when they are repeated by a child, such as, ‘That is not my problem,’ ‘You will get over it,’ or even, ‘Seriously?’ While adults may use them casually, when children repeat them in sibling dynamics, they can come across as cutting and disrespectful. The solution lies in acknowledging the influence, resetting language patterns, and equipping your children with healthier alternatives. 

Acknowledge Where the Phrases Come From 

You can start by naming the behaviour without resorting to shame. For example, “That phrase sounded quite cutting. I know that sometimes adults use it, but in our family, we need to find kinder ways of speaking to each other.” If the phrase originally came from you, it is a powerful opportunity to model accountability: “I realise that I have said that before, and it was not the best choice of words. Let us all practise using better words together.” 

Teach Healthier, More Respectful Alternatives 

Children often use these cutting adult phrases because they do not have other tools to express themselves. You can provide them with direct and respectful replacements. 

• Instead of: ‘That is not my problem.’ 

• Say: ‘I cannot help you with that right now, but perhaps I can later.’ 

• Instead of: ‘Seriously?’ 

• Say: ‘I do not understand what you mean. Can you please explain it to me?’ 

• Instead of: ‘You will get over it.’ 

• Say: ‘I can see that you are upset. Do you need some space?’ 

By giving them these practical scripts, you can help your children to maintain their honesty while removing the sting from their words. 

Practise Tone Alongside the Words 

Even the right words can sound harsh if they are said with the wrong tone of voice. It can be helpful to role-play the same sentence, saying it first in a kind way and then in a sarcastic way so that your child can clearly hear the difference. You could say, “Notice how the phrase, ‘I will think about it,’ can sound either helpful or dismissive, depending on the tone you use.” 

Intervene with a ‘Reset’ in the Moment 

When you hear your child mimicking a cutting phrase, you can stop them calmly and say, “I know that sounds like an adult phrase, but it came out sounding unkind. Let us try that again with some more respect.” You can then guide them to the replacement version immediately so that they learn to reset their words in practice, not just in theory. 

Reinforce Attempts to Use Kinder Phrases 

When your child successfully manages to rephrase a comment, it is important to praise them for it. For example, “That was very respectful. You got your point across clearly without hurting your sibling’s feelings.” This positive reinforcement helps the new, kinder patterns to replace the old ones. 

A Mini-Dialogue Example 

Child A: ‘That is not my problem.’ 

Parent: ‘That sounds like an adult phrase, but it felt a bit unkind. Can you try saying, “I cannot help you right now, but maybe I can later”?’ 

Child A: ‘Okay. I cannot help you right now, but maybe later.’ 

Parent: ‘That is much better. That sounded both kind and clear.’ 

This simple routine teaches your children that even familiar phrases must be filtered through a lens of kindness before they are used. The goal is not to ban all adult phrases, but to reshape them into language that fits a respectful family culture. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places a great deal of weight on our speech, teaching that every single word we utter is recorded and carries a consequence. 

Words Must Always Be Kind and Constructive 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Qaaf (50), Verses 18: 

‘(Man) is unable to utter a single word, without him being closely observed (and all actions being recorded), who is always present.’ 

This verse reminds us that even our most casual words are noted down. Repeating cutting phrases, even if it is done playfully, can leave lasting marks on a person’s heart. Teaching this verse to our children can encourage them to pause before they speak and to choose words that build people up, rather than ones that break them down. 

The Prophet’s Teaching on the Power of Words 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 1515, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A man may say a word which is pleasing to Allah, without thinking much of it, but Allah will raise him in status because of it. And a man may say a word which is displeasing to Allah, without thinking much of it, and it will cause him to fall into Hellfire.’ 

This Hadith shows that even our small, seemingly insignificant phrases can carry a great deal of weight with Allah. Parents can share with their children, “The words you copy may feel small, but they have the power to either lift someone up or to bring them down. Allah loves it when we choose words that heal, not words that hurt.” 

By tying this lesson to both spiritual accountability and family harmony, children can learn that mimicking adult phrases is not wrong in itself, but that the way those words are delivered matters deeply.