How do I help siblings celebrate differences instead of labelling them? 

Parenting Perspective 

Siblings naturally notice the differences in each other; one may be more athletic while another is more artistic, or one may learn new things faster while the other takes more time. Unfortunately, children can sometimes frame these differences through the use of hurtful labels, such as, ‘She is the slow one,’ or ‘He is the nerd.’ These labels have the effect of reducing a whole person to a single trait, and they can sting even if they are said casually. Over time, this kind of labelling can damage a child’s confidence, create rivalry, and narrow the way that siblings see each other. Parents can help to redirect this by teaching their children that their differences are not flaws, but are in fact gifts that make the family richer. 

Explain Why Labels Can Be Hurtful 

Children may not realise the long-term impact that their labels can have. You can tell them, “When you call someone by a label, it makes them feel as though they are stuck in just one box. It ignores all of the other wonderful and interesting things about them.” This helps them to see why even a joking label can carry a great deal of weight. 

Shift the Focus from Labels to Strengths 

You can teach your children to replace the act of labelling with the act of celebrating. For example, instead of allowing one to say, ‘You are the messy one,’ you can guide them to say, ‘You are very creative, and sometimes that makes a little bit of a mess.’ Instead of, ‘You are the slow one,’ you can encourage them to say, ‘You always take your time with your work, which is what makes it so neat.’ 

Create a Family Language of Appreciation 

You can make it a regular household routine to point out and appreciate each other’s positive differences. At dinnertime, you could invite everyone to share one thing that they admire about a sibling that is different from themselves. For instance, “I really like how you are so good at sports, even though I am not,” or “I admire your patience, because I know that I can get frustrated quite quickly.” This helps to normalise the act of celebrating differences instead of mocking them. 

Step In When Labels Appear 

When you hear a child using a label, you can intervene gently but firmly by saying, “That sounded like a label. Let us try that again by celebrating their strength instead of criticising.” You can then model it for them: “Instead of saying, ‘You are so messy,’ you could say, ‘I love your creativity, but let us try to tidy up together afterwards.’” 

Reinforce Positive Examples of Appreciation 

Whenever you notice your siblings appreciating each other’s differences, it is important to highlight it. For instance, “I just noticed that you said your brother is good at maths and that you admire that. That was a very kind and respectful thing to say.” This positive praise helps to reinforce the habit of seeing differences as strengths. 

A Mini-Dialogue Example 

Child A: ‘You are such a nerd.’ 

Parent: ‘That sounds like a label. Can you try saying something that you admire about him instead?’ 

Child A: ‘Okay… You are very good at reading, and I wish that I could read as well as you.’ 

Parent: ‘That was much more respectful. Our differences are what make us stronger, not weaker.’ 

By consistently guiding your children to celebrate rather than to label, you can help to create a family culture where individual differences are seen as precious gifts. This teaches them that a person’s identity is complex and is always worthy of respect, not mockery. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that the differences between people are not a flaw in creation, but are in fact a sign of the perfect design and boundless mercy of Allah Almighty. 

Diversity Is a Sign of Allah’s Wisdom 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Rome (30), Verses 22: 

‘And amongst His Signs (of the infinite truth) are that He (Allah Almighty) created the layers of trans-universal existence and the Earth; and (designed) diversity of your languages and your (skin) colours; indeed, in this there are (logical and rational) Signs for those who are imbued with knowledge.’ 

This verse shows that diversity itself is a divine sign. Teaching this to our children can remind them that our differences are not reasons for superiority or mockery, but are instead opportunities to see the wisdom of Allah in His beautiful and varied creation. 

The Prophet’s Teaching on Brotherhood and Equality 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2564, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Verily, Allah does not look at your appearance or wealth, but rather He looks at your hearts and actions.’ 

This Hadith teaches our children that what matters most is not our outward differences, but is instead the purity of our hearts and the goodness of our actions. Siblings can be gently reminded, “Your differences do not decide who is better. What really matters is your kindness, your effort, and your sincerity in the eyes of Allah.” 

By linking the respect that siblings show to one another with these beautiful Islamic teachings, you can help your children to see that their differences are something to be celebrated, not to be weaponised. Over time, they will grow to appreciate that this diversity is something that enriches your home, strengthens your family bonds, and reflects the beauty of Allah’s creation.