What routine helps siblings repair with words, not just “sorry”? 

Parenting Perspective 

One of the most common frustrations that parents face is the hollow ‘sorry’ that children can often throw out after a sibling conflict. It frequently comes quickly, under pressure, and without any real thought, serving more as a way to end the uncomfortable moment than to truly repair the relationship. The sibling who was hurt can be left feeling brushed aside, while the one who apologised learns that a single word is enough to escape accountability. To truly restore trust, siblings need a clear routine that helps to turn a simple apology into a meaningful repair using words that carry real weight. 

Explain Why ‘Sorry’ Alone Is Not Enough 

You can begin by teaching your children that the word ‘sorry’ is an important starting point, but it is not the finish line. You could explain, “Saying you are sorry is like knocking on a door, but you still have to open the door and step inside to make things right.” This helps them to understand that words of repair must go beyond the automatic, single-word phrase. 

Introduce the Four-Part Repair Routine 

You can give your children a structured approach to apology that they can practise each time a conflict occurs. 

• Acknowledge the action: For example, ‘I took your toy without asking you first.’ 

• Acknowledge the impact: For example, ‘I know that it made you feel upset.’ 

• Say the apology: For example, ‘I am sorry for doing that.’ 

• Offer a way forward: For example, ‘Next time, I will make sure to ask before I take it.’ 

This clear format helps to transform an apology into an act of recognition, accountability, and a commitment to change. 

Role-Play the Routine in Calm Times 

It is helpful to practise this new skill when no conflict is actually happening. You can pretend that one child has knocked over another’s blocks and then gently walk them through the four parts of the repair routine. It is important to praise them when they manage it well. This kind of role-play helps to build their confidence so that the routine feels more natural to them when real arguments arise. 

Step In with Guidance During Real Conflicts 

When your siblings are fighting, you can pause the situation and guide them through the routine by asking, “Let us try the four steps. What did you do? How did that affect your brother? What do you need to say now? And what will you do differently next time?” This active coaching teaches them that repair is not just about moving on but is about actively mending the relationship. 

Reinforce With Praise and Consistency 

When a child successfully completes the routine, it is important to affirm their effort. For example, “That was a very strong apology. You said what you did, how it hurt your sibling, and how you will try to do better. That is what makes trust between people stronger.” 

A Mini-Dialogue Example 

Child A: (pushes Child B) 

Child B: (cries) 

Parent: ‘Let us try to repair this with our words. Step one: what did you do?’ 

Child A: ‘I pushed you.’ 

Parent: ‘Step two: how did that make your sibling feel?’ 

Child A: ‘It made you cry and feel hurt.’ 

Parent: ‘Step three: the apology.’ 

Child A: ‘I am sorry that I pushed you.’ 

Parent: ‘And step four: what will you do differently next time?’ 

Child A: ‘I will try to use my words instead of pushing.’ 

Parent: ‘That was a very good repair. Well done.’ 

This dialogue shows siblings that repair is a process, not just a single word, and that their words have the power to rebuild trust when they are used with care. A structured routine like this can help to prevent empty apologies and teaches children to take ownership of their actions, to respect the feelings of others, and to commit to better behaviour in the future. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places a great deal of importance on both seeking forgiveness and actively repairing the harm that we may have caused to others. 

Repairing Harm Is a Sign of True Faith 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verses 40: 

‘And the outcome (of defending) against an evil, (could be the formation) of an evil similar to it; so therefore, whoever offers amnesty and reconciliation, then his reward shall be with Allah (Almighty)…’ 

This verse shows that the goal is not only to stop a harmful act but also to actively pursue reconciliation afterwards. Teaching children to move beyond a shallow ‘sorry’ and towards a more meaningful verbal repair echoes this beautiful command from Allah to heal our relationships through our words and our actions. 

The Prophet’s Guidance on Mending Relationships 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2509, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Should I not inform you of something more excellent than fasting, prayer and charity?’ They said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘It is putting things right between people, for spreading discord shaves away the religion.’ 

This Hadith highlights the immense spiritual value of repairing our relationships. Parents can explain to their children, “When you apologise properly and make peace with your sibling, Allah rewards you for that, sometimes even more than for many other acts of worship.” 

By weaving these teachings into your everyday practice, you are giving your children both the emotional skills and the spiritual motivation they need to repair their relationships in a meaningful way. Over time, they will learn that their words have the power to either wound or to heal, and that choosing to repair brings them closer to Allah while strengthening the bonds of family.