How do I coach giving feedback on a game without trash talk? 

Parenting Perspective 

Games provide fertile ground for children to practise important social skills, such as teamwork, healthy competition, resilience, and communication. However, the excitement of a game can often spill over into ‘trash talk,’ which can include gloating when winning, mocking someone when they make a mistake, or using sarcasm to highlight another person’s weakness. While some children may think this is just harmless fun, it can crush another child’s confidence, spoil relationships, and turn a playful activity into a battleground. Parents can coach their children to give feedback that builds skills and strengthens bonds, rather than tearing others down. 

Clarify the Purpose of Feedback vs. Trash Talk 

You can begin by helping your child to understand the clear difference between helpful feedback and trash talk. Feedback is meant to help another person to improve, while trash talk is only meant to embarrass them. You could say, “If your words make your sibling want to try again, that is helpful feedback. If your words make them want to give up, that is trash talk.” 

Offer Scripts for Positive and Constructive Feedback 

Children often need clear examples of what to say. You can help them to replace put-downs with more constructive phrases. 

• Instead of: ‘You are rubbish at this.’ 

• Say: ‘Try aiming a bit higher next time; that might help.’ 

• Instead of: ‘You always lose!’ 

• Say: ‘You are getting better each time. Keep going!’ 

• Instead of: ‘That was a pathetic throw.’ 

• Say: ‘That was a good effort. Maybe next time you could try moving a bit quicker.’ 

Model Encouragement During Play 

You can join in with a game and deliberately model how to give positive feedback. You might say, “That was a nice try; you were much closer than last time,” or “That was good teamwork. Let us try that again.” Children naturally copy what they hear, and your positive modelling can help to set the standard. 

Use the ‘Two Positives, One Tip’ Rule 

You can coach your child to offer two positive comments before they give one small suggestion for improvement. For example, “You were running really fast and your throw was strong. Maybe next time, you could just try aiming a little more carefully.” This routine helps to keep the feedback balanced and prevents it from sounding like criticism disguised as advice. 

Intervene Briefly During Trash Talk 

When you hear your child using sarcasm or put-downs, it is best to step in calmly and quickly. You could say, “That sounded like trash talk. Please try again with some encouragement.” It is best to avoid long lectures in the moment; instead, simply redirect the tone and move on. 

Reinforce Efforts to Encourage 

When you hear your child giving genuine and helpful encouragement to another, it is important to highlight it. For instance, “That was very helpful feedback. Did you see how your sibling tried again with more confidence after you said that?” This reinforcement shows your child the positive impact of their words. 

A Mini-Dialogue Example 

Child A: ‘Ha! You are terrible at this game.’ 

Parent: ‘That sounds like trash talk. Can you please try again with feedback that actually helps?’ 

Child A: ‘Okay… you were close that time. Try holding the ball a bit differently.’ 

Parent: ‘That is much better. That helps your sibling to improve instead of just feeling bad.’ 

In this way, children can learn that their words have the power to either fuel another person’s growth or to shut it down. By providing them with clear scripts, modelling positive behaviour, and offering quick resets, you can turn a simple game into a powerful training ground for empathy and respect. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches believers to always choose words that build other people up, not words that break them down. The spirit of competition should never lead to humiliation or ridicule. 

Encouragement Over Mockery 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 12: 

‘Those of you who have believed, abstain as much as you can from cynical thinking (about one another); as some of that cynical thinking is a sin; and do not spy (on each other) and do not let some of you backbite against others…’ 

Although this verse speaks directly about backbiting, the principle can be extended to all forms of harmful speech. Using another person’s mistakes to belittle them is a spiritually dangerous act. Parents can teach their children that the words they use, even during a game, are still accountable before Allah, and that kindness is required even in moments of play. 

The Prophet’s Teaching on Kindness in Interaction 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1935, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do not hate one another, and do not turn away from one another, but rather be servants of Allah as brothers.’ 

This Hadith shows that the relationships between believers should always be marked by a sense of brotherhood, not by a sense of rivalry that leads to harm. Trash talk directly undermines this spirit of brotherhood, while respectful feedback helps to preserve it. Parents can link this directly to their children’s play by saying, “When you give kind and helpful feedback, you are acting like true brothers and sisters in faith.” 

By weaving this beautiful Islamic guidance into your children’s everyday play, you can show them that even their games are a part of their character training. Trash talk may win a moment of laughter, but it can lose a great deal of trust. Respectful feedback, however, builds both a person’s skill and the connection between people, and it is an act that earns the pleasure of Allah.