How can I show humility if I realise my child is copying the behaviour I regret most? 

Parenting Perspective 

Realising that your child is copying a behaviour you deeply regret can be a profoundly disheartening experience. It is normal to feel a mix of guilt, frustration, and helplessness. Seeing your own shortcomings reflected in your child often serves as a powerful wake-up call. However, this difficult moment is also a catalyst for growth, offering a chance to repair, reflect, and improve together. Humility is the key to navigating this situation, as it allows you to model accountability and show your child that acknowledging our mistakes is the first step toward meaningful change. 

Acknowledge the Behaviour with Humility 

The first step is to confront the issue without defensiveness. As parents, we are not perfect, and admitting this to our children is a sign of strength, not weakness. 

• Admit the Behaviour: Acknowledge to your child that you recognise the behaviour they are imitating is one you are not proud of. You might say, ‘I have noticed I have been acting in a way that is not right, and I see you have started doing the same. I am sorry for setting that example.’ 

• Avoid Blame or Shame: It is crucial not to shame your child for copying you. This will only make them feel guilty or defensive. Instead, frame the conversation around the behaviour itself as a shared opportunity for growth. This teaches your child that mistakes are for learning, not for shame. 

Model Change with Action and Consistency 

Humility is not merely about words; it is demonstrated through a sincere commitment to change. 

• Make a Plan for Change: After acknowledging the problem, create a practical plan to address it. For example, if you regret your short temper, you can actively work on pausing before you react, taking deep breaths, or walking away to calm down. Crucially, let your child see you practising these new strategies. 

• Be Consistent in Your Efforts: Consistency is vital. Your child needs to see that your commitment to change is genuine and sustained over time. This shows them that personal growth is achieved through persistent effort and intention. 

• Model Positive Behaviour: Actively demonstrate the behaviour you want your child to adopt. If you want them to speak with kindness when frustrated, you must lead by example. Your actions will always be the most powerful lesson. 

Apologise and Reinforce Humility 

A sincere apology reinforces the lesson of humility and helps to repair and strengthen your relationship. 

• Sincere Apology: A simple, heartfelt apology can be incredibly effective. You could say, ‘I am sorry for how I behaved. I realise it was not the right way to act, and I am working on doing better.’ 

• Reinforce the Lesson: Emphasise that making mistakes is a normal part of life, as long as we are willing to learn from them. This helps your child develop a growth mindset, fostering the belief that they can always improve their character and actions. 

By approaching this situation with humility, you transform a moment of parental regret into a profound lesson in self-awareness, responsibility, and the possibility of positive change. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that humility is a cornerstone of a believer’s character, a quality that elevates one’s status in the eyes of Allah and earns respect from others. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 63: 

‘And the true servants of the One Who is Most Beneficent are those who wander around the Earth with humility; and when they are addressed by the ignorant people, they say: “Peace be unto you”.‘ 

This verse beautifully illustrates humility in action. It teaches us to respond to provocation with peace and to carry ourselves without arrogance. By modelling this calm and gentle disposition, especially when we are frustrated, we teach our children a core Prophetic characteristic. 

True spiritual status is found in lowering oneself for the sake of Allah. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2567, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A person who shows humility for the sake of Allah, Allah will elevate him.’ 

This hadith reminds us that embracing humility is an act of worship. When we are humble before our children by admitting our faults, we are not diminishing ourselves. Instead, we are demonstrating a noble quality that Allah loves, setting an example that will elevate both us and our children in character and faith.