What do I say when my child makes rude comments about a guest’s appearance or food? 

Parenting Perspective 

A thoughtless comment from a child about a guest can be a deeply embarrassing moment for a parent. It is important to remember that these remarks often come from an unfiltered honesty, not a desire to be cruel. The goal is to address the comment firmly but gently, teaching them the crucial social skill of filtering their thoughts through kindness and empathy without shaming them for their candour. 

Address It Immediately but Gently 

If a rude comment is made in front of the guest, a quick and calm intervention is needed. You can say, ‘That is not a kind thing to say. We always speak respectfully to our guests.’ This sets a clear boundary for everyone present without escalating the situation. 

Teach Empathy in Private 

Later, when you are alone with your child, help them understand the impact of their words. Ask them, ‘How would you feel if someone said that about your drawing or your favourite shirt?’ This simple exercise in perspective-taking is the foundation of empathy. 

Equip Them with Polite Alternatives 

Children often say the wrong thing because they do not know the right thing to say. Coach them on polite options. For food they dislike, a simple ‘No, thank you’ is sufficient. For observations about people, teach them that some thoughts are best kept private. 

Build a Habit of Thoughtfulness 

By consistently guiding them through these moments, you are not just correcting isolated incidents; you are building a habit of thoughtfulness. They learn to pause and consider the feelings of others before they speak, a skill that will serve them for their entire lives. 

This approach helps your child learn to balance their natural honesty with the essential grace of kindness and social awareness. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam provides a clear prohibition against mocking or speaking ill of others. Teaching a child to guard their tongue, especially concerning guests, is a fundamental aspect of nurturing their Islamic character (adab). 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 11: 

‘Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them…’ 

This direct command from Allah warns us against ridicule, reminding us that we can never know another person’s true worth. It teaches a profound lesson in humility and the danger of making snap judgments. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 40, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe.’ 

This hadith provides a powerful definition of a Muslim. Our faith is not just about personal worship; it is defined by whether others feel safe from the harm of our words and actions. 

By teaching your child to replace rudeness with kindness, you are nurturing both good manners and Islamic adab. Over time, they will understand that respectful speech honours guests, protects hearts, and reflects their identity as believers striving to please Allah Almighty.