Parenting Perspective 

It is a common frustration for parents: you give an instruction, your child nods in agreement, and five minutes later, it is completely forgotten. This is rarely a case of deliberate defiance. More often, it is a sign of a wandering mind or a child feeling overwhelmed by too much information. Our role is to move them from passive nodding to active, engaged listening. 

Check for Understanding 

After you have spoken, make it a habit to check that the message has truly landed. A simple, ‘Just so I know I explained it well, can you tell me what you are going to do first?’ turns a passive listener into an active participant and confirms their comprehension. 

Simplify Your Instructions 

A child’s working memory can be easily overloaded. Instead of giving a string of commands, break them down. Say, ‘First, please put on your shoes.’ Once that is done, give the next instruction. This step-by-step approach builds success and reduces the chance of them forgetting. 

Use Gentle Reminders, Not Accusations 

If they have forgotten what you said, avoid shaming them with phrases like ‘Were you even listening?’. A gentle prompt such as, ‘What was the next step we talked about?’ encourages them to recall the information and builds their memory skills without creating conflict. 

Build a Habit of Attention 

Your goal is to teach the skill of mindful listening. By staying calm, breaking down instructions, and checking for understanding, you are not just giving a command, but teaching a lifelong habit. Over time, they will learn to engage their minds, not just nod their heads. 

This patient approach helps your child build the crucial skills of active listening and retention, strengthening both their focus and your communication. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, listening is an active process that should engage the heart and lead to sincere action. The concept of ‘pretend listening’ is contrary to the spirit of faith, which values sincerity (ikhlas) in all things. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anfaal (8), Verse 2: 

‘Indeed, the believers are those people that Allah (Almighty) his mentioned, their hearts reverberate (in the ecstasy of love); and whenever His Signs (of the infinite truth) are conveyed to them, their faith is fortified (through logical and rational understanding); and they are totally reliant on their Sustainer (in the directions He has provided them).‘ 

This verse beautifully describes true listening. For a believer, hearing the words of Allah is not a passive act; it is an experience that moves the heart, increases faith, and leads to reliance on Him. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 34, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The signs of a hypocrite are three: whenever he speaks, he tells a lie; whenever he makes a promise, he breaks it; and whenever he is entrusted, he proves to be dishonest.’ 

This hadith warns against the disconnect between outward appearance and inward reality. Pretending to agree or listen while having no intention to follow through is a characteristic of hypocrisy. Sincere listening, followed by sincere action, is the mark of a true believer. 

By guiding your child away from passive listening, you are not only helping them follow instructions but also instilling sincerity an Islamic virtue that shapes their integrity in speech, action, and faith.