How can I handle reward charts when one child thrives and the other struggles? 

Parenting Perspective 

Design the Chart Based on Individual Abilities 

While reward charts can be motivating, they can also cause discouragement if one child finds the tasks much easier than the other. To ensure fairness, it is best to design the chart around each child’s individual abilities and challenges. For instance, one child’s goal might be to finish their homework on time, while another’s could be to practise sharing their toys. This way, both children feel that their unique effort is being valued. 

Focus on Progress, Not Competition 

It is important to explain that the chart is a tool for personal growth, not a competition. Celebrate the small improvements of the child who is struggling: ‘You earned two stars today because I saw how hard you tried.’ For the child who is excelling, you can introduce new goals to keep them challenged. Praising each child for their own progress ensures that recognition feels balanced and fair. 

Opportunities for Growth and Encouragement 

By adjusting goals and highlighting effort rather than comparison, you turn charts into opportunities for individual growth and encouragement. This prevents them from becoming a source of rivalry or resentment. 

Spiritual Insight 

A Soul is Not Burdened Beyond Its Capacity 

Islam teaches that every person is judged by Allah according to their own unique capacity and effort. This beautiful principle can help children to understand that their journey is personal and is valued by Allah based on their own striving. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 286: 

‘Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity; bearing the (fruits of the) goodness he has earnt, and bearing the (consequences of the) evil he has earnt (in the worldly life)…’ 

Do as Much as You Are Able 

The prophetic tradition reinforces the idea that what matters most in the sight of Allah is that we do as much as we are able. This is a comforting reminder for a child who may be struggling to keep up with a sibling. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, 2386, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘If I command you to do something, then do of it as much as you are able.’ 

Striving to Do Our Best 

When you frame your family’s reward chart around these Islamic values, your children learn an important lesson. They begin to see that success is not about competing against each other, but about striving to do their personal best. This approach helps to build their motivation and sense of accountability.