How do I deal with cliques forming during group activities in our extended family? 

Parenting Perspective 

Guide Towards Inclusivity 

When cliques form at family gatherings, some children can feel excluded. A parent’s role is to gently guide all the children towards inclusivity. You can set the tone beforehand by reminding your own children, ‘Family time is for everyone to enjoy together.’ During the gathering, it helps to design games that mix everyone into varied teams, rather than allowing the same children to always stick together. This naturally reduces the formation of exclusive groups. 

Create Shared Goals 

Introduce cooperative games where success depends on teamwork, such as a treasure hunt or a group building task. If you notice a child is being left out, you can step in discreetly and say, ‘Let’s invite your cousin to join this team to make it even stronger.’ Afterwards, make sure to praise any moments of inclusion you witnessed, so that children learn that welcoming others is a highly valued and appreciated act. 

Transform Play into Connection 

By structuring activities thoughtfully and reinforcing kindness, you can transform family play into a source of connection and belonging, where every child feels valued and included. 

Spiritual Insight 

Division Weakens, Unity Strengthens 

Islam warns believers against disputing among themselves, as division and conflict weaken a community from within. In a family context, this serves as a powerful reminder that unity is a source of strength and blessing. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anfaal (8), Verse 46: 

‘And obey Allah (Almighty) and His Prophet (Muhammad ﷺ), and do not dispute (with each other) as it may weaken (your ranks), and would reduce your strength, and show resilience; indeed, Allah (Almighty) it is with those people who are resilient.‘ 

The Importance of Upholding Kinship 

The prophetic tradition teaches that upholding the ties of kinship is a sacred duty of immense importance. The act of including relatives and maintaining warm, loving bonds is directly linked to receiving support from Allah Himself. 

It is recorded in Musnad Ahmad, 1213, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The ties of kinship are suspended from the Throne, and it says: Whoever upholds me, Allah will uphold him, and whoever severs me, Allah will cut him off.’ 

Nurturing Unity Pleases Allah 

When you guide children to break down cliques and practise inclusion, you are doing more than just protecting feelings; you are nurturing the family unity that is so beloved by Allah. This helps to transform family gatherings into true moments of barakah, where love, respect, and togetherness can flourish.