How can I support a child who cheats out of fear of being seen as ‘not good enough’? 

Parenting Perspective 

Separate Their Worth from Their Performance 

When a child cheats out of a fear of ‘not being good enough,’ the issue is not about the game, but about their self-esteem. The most important first step is to separate their worth from their performance. Gently reassure them by saying, ‘You are loved for who you are, not for whether you win or lose.’ This provides the emotional safety they need to be able to face challenges honestly. 

Address the Root Fear 

Instead of focusing only on the act of cheating, try to explore the feelings that are driving it. Asking a gentle question like, ‘Were you feeling worried about losing the game?’ can open the door for them to share their fears. Once you have validated their feelings, you can then guide them towards healthier coping strategies, such as practising a little more or focusing on the fun of just playing. 

Teach Growth, Not Perfection 

Help your child to see mistakes not as proof of failure, but as opportunities to learn and grow. You can share examples from your own life where you did not succeed at first but improved through effort. It is vital to celebrate persistence, using phrases like, ‘I am so proud of how you kept trying.’ This teaches them that recognition comes from effort, not just from victory. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Reward is in the Striving 

Islam teaches that human beings are not expected to be perfect, but rather to strive sincerely in all that they do. The Quran reminds us that our true reward from Allah comes from our effort, not from false appearances or dishonest shortcuts. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Najam (53), Verse 39: 

‘ And they shall be nothing (to account) for mankind except what he has undertaken.’ 

Allah Looks at the Heart and Deeds 

The prophetic tradition teaches a profound lesson about where true value lies. Allah does not judge us on our outward success or appearance, but on the sincerity of our hearts and the honesty of our actions. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, 2564, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Allah does not look at your appearance or wealth, but He looks at your hearts and your deeds.’ 

Dignity in Sincere Effort 

When you frame sincere effort and honesty as qualities that are beloved to Allah, your child learns that they do not need to prove their worth by winning unfairly. They can find dignity in simply trying their best, trusting that their value in your eyes and more importantly, in the sight of Allah is never dependent on being perfect.