Parenting Perspective 

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and it can be particularly challenging to rebuild when that trust feels broken, especially when your words are used against you by your child. It is normal to feel hurt or frustrated when this happens, but it is important to recognise that children may use your words to express their feelings, even if they do not fully understand the impact of doing so. When a child uses your words against you, it can feel like a personal attack, but this is often a sign that they are struggling with something unresolved. Repairing trust in these situations requires patience, empathy, and a commitment to clearer communication. 

Acknowledge the Situation and Your Child’s Emotions 

The first step in repairing trust is to acknowledge the situation without reacting impulsively. When your child uses your words against you, it is often because they are hurt or confused. Instead of becoming defensive, try to stay calm and give them the space to express what they are feeling. 

‘I can hear that you are upset, and I understand that you feel hurt by what I said. Let us talk about it.’ 

This response shows that you are open to listening and that you recognise their emotional state. Validating their feelings is the first step in repairing the trust between you. 

Take Responsibility for Your Words and Actions 

When trust is broken because of something you said, it is important to take responsibility for your words. Model accountability by admitting when you have said something wrong or hurtful. This teaches your child that admitting mistakes is a sign of strength, not weakness. 

‘I see how my words hurt you, and I am really sorry for that. I did not mean to upset you, and I will try to be more mindful of what I say in the future.’ 

By doing this, you show your child that words matter and that you are committed to speaking in ways that promote understanding, rather than causing harm. 

Rebuild Trust Through Consistent, Positive Communication 

After an incident where your words have been used against you, it is crucial to rebuild trust with consistent, positive communication. This means being more mindful of how you speak, as well as how often you reaffirm your love. 

• Regular affirmations: Regularly reassure your child of your love, support, and commitment to them. 

• Clear boundaries and gentle guidance: Be sure to communicate your expectations clearly, but always with empathy. 

‘I understand that you are upset, but it is important that we speak to each other respectfully. Let us try to talk through things calmly.’ 

When your child sees that your words are now consistently positive and grounded in love, they will begin to trust that your guidance is not only reliable but caring as well. 

Encourage Open Dialogue and Teach Conflict Resolution 

One of the most powerful ways to repair trust is to encourage open dialogue. Let your child know that it is okay to express their feelings and that they can trust you with their emotions. Teach them how to resolve conflicts in healthy ways. 

‘I want us to be able to talk honestly about our feelings without hurting each other. If you ever feel upset, I am here to listen and find a solution together.’ 

This kind of open, solution-focused communication helps your child see that conflict does not have to damage the relationship. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Importance of Mutual Respect 

The noble Quran reminds us that building trust within relationships is an act of upholding the values of sincerity, honesty, and mutual respect. When our words harm others, especially our children, it is our duty to correct our actions and seek reconciliation. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tawbah (9), Verse 71: 

‘ And the believing men and the believing women, some of them are role models for each other; where they encourage (the doing of) positive (moral actions), and forbid (the doing of) negative (immoral actions)…’ 

Through consistent, positive actions, we uphold the values of fairness, respect, and love, which are the bedrock of trust in any relationship. 

The Power of Repentance 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ tell us that repentance and seeking forgiveness are key in healing broken relationships. When you acknowledge your mistakes and sincerely apologize for them, you set the foundation for healing. 

It is recorded in Musnad Ahmad, Hadith 1177, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A person who repents from sin is like one who has no sin.’ 

This hadith underscores the importance of humbling ourselves before Allah and before those we have wronged, recognizing that true repentance leads to the restoration of relationships. By embracing these principles, you not only repair the trust in your relationship with your child but also model the importance of humility, forgiveness, and resilience.