Parenting Perspective 

When family elders argue about parenting methods in front of a child, it can create significant confusion, insecurity, and emotional stress. Children naturally look to the adults in their lives for guidance and a sense of safety. Seeing those same adults in open conflict about how they should be raised can leave a child feeling deeply uncertain about what is right and who they should follow. 

Confusion and Mixed Signals 

When a child hears their elders debating whether they should be scolded, rewarded, or guided in a different way, it sends the message that rules are negotiable and inconsistent. This makes it much harder for the child to respect boundaries, as they may begin to think that their compliance simply depends on which adult wins the argument. 

Emotional Insecurity 

Children often interpret conflict between their caregivers as a sign that their home environment is unstable. They may even feel responsible for causing the argument, blaming themselves for the tension between the adults. This can lead to feelings of anxiety and sadness, or it may cause them to act out as a way of testing whether the adults in their life still love and will protect them. 

The Risk of Encouraging Manipulation 

When a child sees that the adults are not united, they may learn to play one adult against another in order to get what they want. 

• Over time, this can erode the effectiveness of discipline and weaken the child’s respect for their parents’ authority. 

Protecting the Child’s Stability 

Parents can help to reduce this harm by ensuring that any disagreements with elders about parenting are discussed privately. In front of the child, it is vital that the adults show a united front and support each other’s decisions, even if they choose to renegotiate them later in private. This simple approach helps to preserve the child’s sense of stability and trust in their caregivers. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that family life must be guided by the principles of respect, unity, and wisdom. Open arguments, especially in front of children, go directly against the prophetic model of resolving disputes privately and with a sense of dignity. 

Avoiding Discord in the Home 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anfaal (8), Verses 46: 

‘And obey Allah (Almighty) and His Prophet (Muhammad ﷺ), and do not dispute (with each other) as it may weaken (your ranks), and would reduce your strength…’ 

This verse reminds us that open disputes can weaken not only our sense of unity, but also the strength and confidence of those who witness them, and this is especially true for children. 

The Prophet’s ﷺ Model of Gentle Guidance 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 1734, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A believer is not a taunter, nor a curser, nor is he obscene or shameless.’ 

This Hadith highlights the great importance of using gentle and respectful speech, even during moments of disagreement. 

By making an effort to avoid open conflict, the elders in a family can show children that love and respect are what guide their family life. When disputes are handled privately and calmly, children learn from this example that boundaries can be upheld with wisdom and kindness. This nurtures a secure and peaceful environment where a child can grow to be confident and respectful, anchored in the beautiful Islamic values of harmony and unity.