What routines can celebrate who they are, not what they do? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children truly thrive when they feel loved simply for being themselves, not just for what they are able to accomplish. If the praise they receive is always tied to their grades, their chores, or other achievements, they may begin to internalise the damaging belief that love is something that must be earned. By building simple routines into your family life that celebrate their innate personhood, rather than their performance, you can reassure them that they are valued as a precious blessing from Allah, regardless of their output. These routines help to create a sense of emotional safety, nurture a healthy self-esteem, and deeply strengthen the parent-child bond. 

Offer Daily Words of Unconditional Affection 

Make it a regular habit to say, ‘I love you just because you are you,’ either at bedtime or before they leave for school in the morning. These simple affirmations help to separate a child’s sense of worth from their performance. 

Create Shared Rituals of Simple Presence 

Dedicate ten to fifteen minutes each day to simply being together. This could be a time for reading, going for a walk, or just sharing a laugh, without any element of correcting them or expecting productivity. In these moments, your presence itself is a celebration of who they are. 

Hold ‘Gratitude Rounds’ for Each Other 

At your family meals, you can take turns saying one thing you are grateful for about each other’s character. For example, ‘Alhamdulillah for your lovely smile that makes me happy.’ This helps to frame a person’s value in their very being, not just in their doing. 

Establish Weekend Connection Traditions 

You can reserve a small, special ritual for the weekend, such as making pancakes together on a Saturday morning or telling stories on a Friday night. The specific tradition does not matter as much as the goal: to simply enjoy one another’s company, without measuring any achievements. 

Use Affectionate Gestures to Communicate Value 

Make a habit of routinely offering hugs, kisses on the forehead, or simply holding your child’s hand while saying, ‘You are such a wonderful gift from Allah.’ This pairing of physical warmth with gentle words helps to make your unconditional love feel tangible. 

Praise Their Character and Essence 

Highlight your child’s inner qualities, such as their honesty, their sense of humour, or their compassion, by saying, ‘Your kindness makes our whole home feel brighter.’ This keeps your celebration of them rooted in their inner, God-given value. 

These simple routines help to shift the focus from a child’s achievements to their identity, allowing them to feel secure and cherished simply for who they are. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Quran on the Inherent Honour of Humanity 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verses 70: 

‘Indeed, We (Allah Almighty) have honoured the descendants of Adam; and fostered them over the land and the sea; and provided sustenance for them with purified nourishment; and We gave them preferential treatment over many of those (species) We have created with special privileges.’ 

This verse teaches us that human dignity is an inherent quality, granted to us by Allah, and is not conditional upon our actions or our results. Every child carries this divine honour, regardless of their worldly accomplishments. 

Prophetic Guidance on Loving for Allah’s Sake 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 45, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘None of you will believe until you love for your brother what you love for yourself.’ 

This hadith reflects the idea that the highest form of love is rooted in honouring another person’s very being, simply for the sake of Allah. When you teach your children that they are celebrated for existing as precious gifts from Allah, you help them to internalise the profound truth that their worth is unshakable. Such routines fill a home with barakah, ensuring that love is unconditional and driven by faith.