What script counters ‘you always take their side’ in the moment? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child says, ‘You always take their side,’ the sting of the comment comes not from it being a fact, but from their perception of unfairness in a heated moment. If a parent responds with anger or defensiveness, the accusation often grows stronger. What helps is a script that balances empathy with clarity, making the child feel heard while you hold firm to the principle of fairness. 

Acknowledge Their Feeling of Unfairness 

It is best to respond calmly by saying, ‘I can hear that you feel this is unfair right now.’ Children are much more likely to listen once they feel that their perspective has been understood. Acknowledging the feeling does not mean you agree with the accusation; it simply shows them that their emotions matter. 

Clarify Your Role as Being Fair, Not Partial 

You can follow up by explaining, ‘My job is not to take sides, but to make sure that everyone in our family is treated fairly. Sometimes that means I have to say no to you, and other times it means I have to say no to your brother or sister.’ This helps to reframe the issue from one of sibling rivalry to the bigger family principle of justice. 

Reassure Them of Your Equal Love 

It is important to end with a message of reassurance, such as, ‘I love you just as much as I love them. Right now, I am focusing on what is fair, not on who I love more.’ Children often need to hear this repeatedly, especially in competitive moments. Over time, this script can create an anchor of security for them, even when discipline feels uncomfortable. 

Follow Up Later to Reconnect 

After the heat of the moment has passed, it is a good idea to spend some time with the child privately. You could say, ‘Earlier, you felt that I was not on your side. Can you tell me a little more about why it felt that way?’ Listening to them in calmer moments shows that your commitment to fairness includes valuing their perspective. This balances discipline with connection and prevents bitterness from building up. 

By using a script that validates, reframes, reassures, and follows up, parents can turn a moment of rivalry into a valuable lesson in trust, justice, and unconditional love. 

Spiritual Insight 

In the Islamic tradition, justice is a non-negotiable principle that must be upheld in all circumstances, especially in the close and emotionally charged relationships within a family. 

Justice as a Divine Command 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al An’aam (6), Verse 152: 

‘And do not usurp the wealth of the orphans, except (dealing with their wealth in a manner) which is best for them, until they reach the age of majority; (and in your business dealings) deal with full measure and weight and with equity; We (Allah Almighty) do not burden any soul except that which is in its capacity; and whenever you speak then (speak with) justice, even though (such words may act against the interests) of your close relatives…’ 

This verse reminds us that justice is not optional. Even when our emotions are high and our family ties are close, Allah Almighty calls us to prioritise fairness above any personal preference. 

The Prophetic Prohibition of Bias 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1623, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ advised a father who had shown preference to one of his children, saying: 

‘Do justice among your children in giving gifts, as you would like them to do justice among you in showing dutifulness.’ 

This hadith teaches us that fairness in parenting is not only about the material gifts we give, but also about how our love, time, and decisions are shared between our children. 

By using balanced and fair words in moments of conflict, parents are embodying this beautiful Quranic and Prophetic guidance. Their children learn from this that a parent’s love is never conditional on their behaviour or on any rivalry, but is instead rooted in the timeless principles of fairness, mercy, and taqwa (God-consciousness).