How can I honour a daughter’s anger without labelling her ‘too much’? 

Parenting Perspective 

Girls are often told, either explicitly or subtly, that expressing anger makes them seem difficult, dramatic, or ‘too much’. Such labels can teach them to suppress their natural feelings or to see their strong emotions as personal flaws. To raise emotionally healthy daughters, parents must learn to treat their anger as a valid signal, rather than a problem to be erased, while still guiding them towards constructive forms of expression. 

Recognise Her Anger as a Signal 

When your daughter is upset, it is important to first acknowledge her emotion without any judgement. You could say, ‘I can see that you are feeling very angry because that situation felt unfair.’ This shows her that her feelings make sense, even if the behaviour that follows might require a boundary. Validation prevents her from internalising shame about her strong emotions. 

Avoid Using Dismissive Labels 

It is crucial to avoid dismissive phrases such as, ‘You are overreacting,’ or ‘There is no need to be so dramatic.’ Instead, focus on trying to understand the root of her feelings by asking, ‘Can you help me understand what feels the hardest for you right now?’ This approach communicates respect for her perspective and lets her know that her voice deserves to be heard. 

Guide Her Towards Constructive Expression 

Honouring her anger does not mean allowing hurtful or destructive behaviour. You can say, ‘Your feelings are real and important. Let us find a way to express them without shouting or hurting anyone.’ Suggest positive alternatives like writing her thoughts down, going for a walk to cool down, or practising how to speak about her feelings calmly. This reframes anger as an energy that can be channelled, not an impulse that must be suppressed. 

When daughters learn that their anger is a manageable emotion, not a shameful one, they grow into confident women who know that their feelings have value and do not have to be destructive. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches a balanced approach to emotion, encouraging believers to exercise self-restraint and patience, especially in moments of anger, rather than suppressing their feelings entirely. 

Restraining Anger as a Virtue 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 37: 

‘And those people that avoid the major sins and immoralities, and when they become angry, they are readily forgiving.’ 

This verse reminds us that the feeling of anger itself is a natural human emotion, but the virtue lies in how we choose to respond to it, ideally through forgiveness and self-control. 

The Prophetic Counsel of Silence 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4784, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent.’ 

This hadith teaches us a powerful and practical tool for managing anger. While the feeling of anger may arise, choosing a moment of silence can help to prevent us from speaking words that wound, thereby giving us the space needed for calm and reflection. 

By validating a daughter’s anger while guiding her toward restraint, parents reflect the beautiful balance of Islam. They teach her that emotions are real and valid, but that true strength lies in managing them wisely. This approach helps her to see herself as neither ‘too much’ nor powerless, but as someone who is capable of honouring her feelings in a way that is pleasing to Allah Almighty.