What do I say when my child clings at transitions but I must leave? 

Parenting Perspective 

Transitions, such as leaving for work, dropping a child at school, or moving from playtime to bedtime, can often trigger clinginess. A child who is holding onto you tightly may be expressing a fear of separation or simply needing reassurance that you will return. In these delicate moments, what you say and how you say it matters deeply. Words that are calm, consistent, and loving can help your child to release you with greater ease and confidence. 

Use a Predictable and Reassuring Phrase 

Children find a great deal of safety in hearing the same words each time you part. A short, steady phrase like, ‘I love you very much. I will be back right after your nap,’ or ‘I will see you at the school gate as soon as class is over,’ helps to create a sense of security. The predictability of the script helps your child to internalise the idea that separation is temporary, not a form of abandonment. 

Balance Empathy with a Confident Departure 

It is important to acknowledge your child’s feelings without prolonging the goodbye. You could say, ‘I know it is hard to say goodbye, and I understand that you want me to stay. But I promise I will come back soon.’ It is best to pair this empathy with a calm confidence as you leave. If you appear hesitant or apologetic, your child may feel even more anxious. Your own steadiness is what gives them courage. 

Conclude with a Loving Ritual 

Whether it is a firm hug, a kiss on the forehead, a high-five, or a small dua whispered in their ear, always end the goodbye with a consistent and loving ritual. Over time, your child will come to associate this specific moment with warmth and reassurance rather than with a feeling of panic. 

The goal is not to eliminate clinginess instantly, but to show your child through repeated words and actions that separations are safe, brief, and always followed by a happy reconnection. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, moments of separation are opportunities to deepen our reliance on God, entrusting our loved ones to His ultimate care and protection, which brings peace to the heart. 

Trusting in Allah’s Guardianship 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Yusuf (12), Verse 64: 

‘…But Allah (Almighty) is the Best and the Most Sublime Guardian, and He (Allah Almighty) is the Most Merciful of those that offer mercy.’ 

This beautiful verse reminds us that even when we are physically apart from our children, they remain under the unwavering protection of Allah Almighty, who is more merciful and watchful over them than any parent could ever be. 

The Prophetic Practice for Seeking Protection 

It is recorded in Musnad Ahmad, Hadith 471, that when a person leaves their home and makes a supplication: 

‘In the name of Allah, I place my trust in Allah, there is no power and no strength except with Allah.’ 

It will be said to them that they are guided, defended, and protected. This teaches us that entrusting ourselves and our loved ones to Allah at moments of departure brings His guidance and divine protection. 

By combining empathy with confidence, and by consciously entrusting your child to Allah Almighty when you must leave, you not only reduce their anxiety but also model a powerful reliance on faith. Over time, your child learns that even difficult goodbyes are softened by love, routine, and an unwavering trust in the care of Allah Almighty.