How to Help Your Child Manage Friendships After a Divorce 

Parenting Perspective 

Remove the Pressure to Pick Sides 

Children often fear that choosing one group means rejecting the other. Begin by naming what he is feeling and removing the hidden rule that he must pick sides. Say, ‘You are allowed to have friends in both places. Adults sort the lifts and timings. Your job is to be kind and honest.’ This permission relieves pressure immediately. 

Make a Simple Social Plan 

Make a simple social plan that honours both circles. Together, look at the week and choose one small connection for each neighbourhood, such as football after school in one area and a weekend cycle in the other. Share this plan with the other parent so invitations are answered clearly and your son is not the messenger between adults. If an invite clashes, teach him a respectful script: ‘I am at my other home that day. Can we meet on Tuesday instead.’ This protects relationships without blame. 

Coach Him for Awkward Questions 

Coach him for awkward questions. Offer short, dignified answers he can repeat: ‘I split time between two homes, so I am here some days and there on others.’ Practise tone as well as words. Praise effort rather than popularity. Notice small acts of courage, such as sending a message to keep in touch or saying salaam first at the park. 

Keep Your Home a Safe Base 

Keep your home a safe base. Do not compare households or interrogate his time away. Show genuine delight when he enjoyed friends from either side. Create a small constant that travels with him, such as a favourite book for the changeover evening or a quick family dua on the phone before bed. Stability in tiny routines helps him feel steady while his social world expands. 

Host Low-Pressure Meetups 

If he is ready, host gentle, low-pressure meet ups with one friend from each group in a neutral place. Shared activities break down imagined lines and let loyalty grow wider rather than split in two. 

Spiritual Insight 

Offer a Clear Islamic Frame 

Alongside these practical steps, offer him a clear Islamic frame for his feelings, so his heart can be at ease while he builds friendships in both places. 

No One Shall Bear the Burden of Another 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al An’aam (6), Verse 164: 

‘…And no one shall become the bearer of any responsibility, in (carrying) the burden of others...’  

Explain that he is not responsible for adult decisions or for managing other people’s expectations. His task is sincerity, good manners, and truthful speech across both neighbourhoods. 

Make Things Easy, Do Not Make Them Difficult 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Book 78, Hadith 152, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Make things easy and do not make them difficult; give glad tidings and do not drive people away.’  

Tell your son that taking small, kind steps with each group is beloved to Allah, and that he does not need to force closeness. Ease, consistency, and good character are enough. 

By removing the false choice, giving him words to use, and grounding him in this guidance, you help him keep friendships on both sides without guilt and grow a wider, kinder circle of belonging.