How to Advocate for Your Child When Teachers Show Pity 

Parenting Perspective 

Advocate for Their Dignity 

It is understandable that you want your children to be supported without being defined by pity. Children often sense when adults treat them differently, and while compassion is helpful, being looked at as fragile can harm their confidence. The key is to advocate for your children’s dignity while helping them understand that people’s intentions are not always harmful, even if the impact feels uncomfortable. 

Arrange a Conversation With Their Teachers 

A practical step is to arrange a conversation with their teachers. You can gently explain that your children benefit from being treated with the same expectations as before, while still appreciating understanding if they have an off day. This sets a boundary that communicates respect for your children’s resilience, while allowing room for compassion when needed. 

Help Them Practise What to Say 

At home, help your children practise what they can say if they feel uncomfortable with pitying comments, such as, ‘Thank you, I am doing okay,’ or redirecting the conversation. Giving them simple, respectful phrases equips them with agency in social situations. It reassures them that they do not have to accept a label of weakness but can respond politely and firmly. 

Highlight Their Strengths 

It also helps to highlight to your children the strengths they have shown during this time. For example, mention their patience, kindness, or courage. This does not erase their sadness, but it reminds them that they are more than their loss. By reinforcing their capabilities, you protect their self-image from being overshadowed by others’ perceptions. 

Spiritual Insight 

Their Worth Is Not Reduced by Hardship 

In moments like these, it can be reassuring to remind children that their worth in the sight of Allah is not reduced by hardship. 

With Hardship Comes Ease 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Inshirah (94), Verses 5–6: 

‘Thus with (every) hardship there is facilitation (from Allah Almighty). Indeed, with (every) hardship there is facilitation (from Allah Almighty).’  

This repetition assures us that difficulty is never without ease that follows, and this ease can include growth, strength, or unexpected opportunities. You can help your children see that their challenge does not make them weak but may allow them to discover resilience that others cannot yet see. 

Strength Is Striving With Faith 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Book 1, Hadith 79, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, while there is good in both.’  

This hadith can help children understand that strength is not the absence of pain, but the ability to continue striving with faith despite it. 

By balancing advocacy at school with affirmations at home, and by framing strength as a quality valued by Allah, you can help your children face pity without internalising it and instead hold on to dignity and confidence in their journey of healing.