How to Stop Letting Outside Expectations Shape Your Emotions 

Parenting Perspective 

Each Child Has a Unique Temperament 

It is very natural for parents to notice other children’s behaviour and wonder why their own children act differently. However, constant comparison can create pressure both for you and for your children. Each child has a unique temperament, stage of development, and way of learning. When you measure them against others, you may overlook their own strengths and progress. 

Shift Your Focus to Growth, Not Comparison 

One way to break this cycle is to shift your focus to growth rather than comparison. Ask yourself: ‘What is my child working on right now, and how can I support that step?’ For example, instead of thinking, ‘Other children sit quietly, why does mine not?’ you can reframe it as, ‘My child finds sitting still difficult, so how can I make it easier for them to practise in small steps?’ This puts the focus back on guiding rather than criticising. 

Separate Your Worry from Your Child’s Reality 

It also helps to notice when frustration rises in you. Often, this comes not from your child’s behaviour itself, but from the fear of being judged as a parent. Remind yourself that your role is to nurture your children according to their needs, not to meet shifting outside expectations. When you consciously separate your own worry from your child’s reality, you respond with greater patience and clarity. 

Shape Discipline in Line With Their Abilities 

Over time, when children feel accepted for who they are, they build confidence and trust in you. This does not mean overlooking discipline or guidance, but it means shaping it in line with their abilities and progress, not comparisons. 

Spiritual Insight 

Worth Is Not Found in Outward Comparisons 

Islam teaches us that every person is created with their own qualities, and we are called to value this diversity rather than diminish it through comparison.  

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 13: 

‘O mankind, indeed, We (Allah Almighty) have created you all from one man and one woman; and placed you amongst various nations and tribes for your introduction to each other; indeed, the best of you in the judgment of Allah (Almighty) is the one who is most virtuous; indeed, Allah (Almighty) is the Omniscient, the all Cognisant.’ 

This Verse reminds us that worth is not found in outward comparisons, but in righteousness and personal effort before Allah Almighty. 

Look to Those Who Are Lower Than You 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Book 37, Hadith 43, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Look at those who are lower than you and do not look at those who are above you, for it is more suitable that you should not consider the favours of Allah insignificant.’  

This guidance applies not only to material blessings but also to qualities and circumstances. By focusing on what Allah Almighty has given your child, you learn gratitude and patience instead of discontent. 

When you stop measuring your children by the standards of others and start valuing their individual journey, you not only protect your relationship with them but also model for them how to live with gratitude and humility. In this way, you guide them with fairness and trust, allowing them to flourish in their own path without the burden of constant comparison.